... and now I'm typing them!
In this blog the voice in my head representing the masses shall be represented by fancy brackets like this {}! Sound good? {It sure does Tom!} Get it? I thought so :)
Ok, so I just had a shower {good for you Tom!}. No, that's not the impressive part... I do that several times per week. My shower time is my thinking time. Rather than let those thoughts get washed down the drain, I've decided to get them written into my blog before I forgot what they were. It's more of a "dream journal" than a well thought out essay.
One of my thoughts was about the battle of the "relative" versus the "absolute". We as humans tend to LOVE (and I do mean love) the "absolute". The black & white, the yes & no, the on & off. The reality is that life is full of relatives (and I'm not talking about your in-laws) {no more puns Tom... please?}
People might look at my situation and think of me as being "sick", however the reality is that we are all some level of "sick" on the overall spectrum of health. We all seem to have one health problem or another (some of us many more than others). Some of us simply have more serious health problems than others. The words more or less imply a sort of relativity. How can the seriousness of a health issue truly be diagnosed? I don't think there is a science to it. There are obvious extremes. Cancer is bad. A sore wrist kind of sucks a little. Having cancer and a sore wrist just seems unfair! (My wrists are fine by the way). Even the spectrum of health I have just painted is over simplified. What is health? Physical health? Mental health? Emotional health? Is there a way to measure some overall measure of these attributes, given the complexities of their own unique aspects? I'm not sure there is. {So why are you saying all of this Tom?} I'm saying all of this in part to give the readers of this blog a moments pause to think about the complexity of things in life that we all take for granted. A person's health means nothing compared to some other "standard" level of what we call health. If every person on earth had cells in their body that multiplied uncontrollably causing premature death, would a person with cancer be sick? Or would health merely be redefined to cover the range of all humans (with cancer)... meaning some people would have worse cancers, or perhaps a range of other illnesses that would now define their overall health. Nicole is probably reading this passage right now thinking "Oh my goodness, he's gone post postictal again!" (check out "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postictal_psychosis" and scroll down to the paragraph that begins "Postictal psychosis (PP)..." to get an idea of what I've gone through before... not fun!)
No worries love... not postical... just regular crazy Tom!
Another part of my relative versus absolute line of thinking brought me to the idea of wealth. We tend to think of "wealth" in strictly monetary terms. In those terms few of us would define ourselves as being "rich". The 80/20 rule (Pareto principle for those who can't let Vilfredo go without his due credit) tells us that approximately 80% of the wealth is earned by 20% of the population. But there is an underlying assumption that "wealth" is an economical term measured in dollars and cents (though no longer pennies in Canada). Wealth can be (and perhaps should be) thought of in different terms on a more regular basis. Economic wealth should not be downplayed for obvious reasons, but each of us should remember to focus on other measurements of wealth, such as how much love and support and love we have in our lives. In that sense, many of us truly are "richer than we think" (Oh Scotiabank... how right you are)! I am working with my wife to find ways to make sure we stay within our means each month financially, but the two of us could not be any richer with all of the loving and supportive people we have in our lives. I like knowing that if we found ourselves with a $0.00 bank balance, we'd still be two of the most wealthy people in the world. Be sure not to lose focus of that way of thinking in your own life. Many a time I've seen people sacrifice one type of wealth in the pursuit of the other. Another observation I've made in my 29+ years (though let's be honest... the first few didn't really count) is that there is a correlation between the two. Seeking the richness for meaningful relationships with friends, family, and a spouse can put you on the path to financial security whereas trying to chase the almighty dollar without good people around you is difficult (if not meaningless).
My thoughts then returned to my line of "absolute versus relative" thinking. I have had the joy and great benefit of taking many psychology courses in my university career (you get to call it a career when you spend nearly a decade there!) which have coloured my view of the world in a unique way. One lesson I learned illustrated the lack of definite categories in life. We were once asked to define "a chair". Seems easy right? {It sure does Tom! Something with four legs that you sit on!} Ok, sounds good, but what about a rocking chair? That doesn't have four legs. And what about a bean bag chair... no legs there! The lesson was that there are exceptions to every rule. Even chairs exist on a spectrum of various properties. In nature we categorize animals into different species using something called taxonomy, and plants into different genuses. We LOVE categories! But again, what the heck is a tomato? Even gender lines are not as clear as we would like. Google "Caster Semenya" for an example of this. Science has shown cases well beyond the scope of XX & XY we like to think of when it comes to gender. How about X, XXX, XXXX, XXXXX, XXY, or even XXXY? These have all been known to occur. It makes one take a seriously look at how we look at the world. Given the known fact gender doesn't always come in two distint categories, it strikes me as close-minded that some individuals think it "unnatural" that two individuals of the same "gender" might happen to love one another as "more than just friends". Why am I saying all of this? Because this blog is called "Tom's thoughts"! I can write whatever I want. If your name is Ted you can have "Ted's Thoughts" and write whatever you would like to write.
Another thing I love reading about is the Theory of Relativity and notions that time itself (one thing almost every human being on Earth holds as an "absolute") is in fact relative. The mind blowing notion that we are all moving at a different speed within the "spacetime continuum". In order to avoid saying things incorrectly I shall copy & paste from the source of all references, Wikipedia: "later experiments revealed that time slows at higher speeds of the reference frame relative to another reference frame" -- (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spacetime)
If even the speed I am travelling depends on the relative frame of reference, can anything truly be absolute?
When in the hospital some 2+ years ago when I first had my craniotomy (the day that brain doctor drilled into my skull), there were many times (before and after the surgery) I was asked to rate my level of pain. I think the purpose of such could only have been to determine if my own level of pain was higher or lower than what it might have been previously, as my "level 5" may or may not be anywhere close to your "level 5"... or yours... or even YOURS! (I assume I have at least three readers out there).
I think I'm trying to come around to a point I may have made before... MY LIFE IS AWESOME!!!
I had a diagnosis given to me late in 2010 that gave me 3 months (worst case scenario) to 1 year (best case scenario). Admittedly my oncologist had patients live longer than 1 year at that point, though I think he felt the need to give me the reality of my situation without the highly unlikely "super best case scenario" aka: my currently life. I've now lived 2 years past my diagnosis, and 1 year past my "best before date". Not only that, I've suffered very few speed bumps along the way (though Nicole might argue my postical psychosis states and/or "day in a coma" might count as the type of "speed bump" that scratch the bottom of your car when you drive over them). I have a very high quality of life. I'm off my chemo medication (read prior posts for more on that), and only suffer occasional seizures (last one: Sunday March 31, 2013)... though even they are small and 'manageable' rarely requiring hospitalization (in large part because Dr. Nicole sure knows how to take care of me!). This Friday sees Nicole & I at the Health Sciences Centre to get the results of my latest MRI. This is also the very 1st MRI done after being taken fully off my chemo medications. To say we are a tad nervous heading into the appointment would surely be an understatement, but we've learned at this point all we can do is move forward and deal with whatever comes our way.
At the end of the day even if my tumour is growing... I'm still a rich & relatively healthy guy! So how could I complain? After all, I don't have sore wrists!
Cheers all!
--
Tom
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