Thanks eh?

Of all people, I should think I have the most to be thankful for. Okay, at least more than most people. It isn't hard to guess what falls at the top of my list...

I am still alive!

Now that's pretty cool. Especially given I was told I'd have 3 months to 1 year to live... almost 2 years ago. Things are still as unsure as they were at the beginning of my journey, but for one key difference. How I view life and all contained within it has changed dramatically. Getting a terminal can do that to a guy. I am thankful for the friends I have. Though I may have fewer friends than I did prior to my diagnosis, the friendships I do have are so much more meaningful than any I had prior. I am thankful for the amazing amount of support I experience on a daily basis. I cannot explain fully just how much support I have. It comes from all sides. It comes from those members of my family who have stayed close to me throughout this process, it comes from those friends who have stuck around from the day of my surgery to this very day, and it comes above all else from my wife, who I might have mentioned before. Nicole O'Leary-Sontag is the best thing to have happened to me without a doubt. I could not manage my daily life without her, of that I am sure. We go through the good times and the bad together. As you might imagine, the bad times can be overwhelmingly bad, and occur just a little more often in our lives than either of us might like. This being said, she always finds a way to keep me going, to keep me positive, and keep me fighting. What I do, I do for many people and many reasons, but without a doubt I do it for her above all else.

Those of you closest to me probably know I am very upfront and unafraid to discuss my cancer. I'm sure some people would find it odd that I am so direct about such a sensitive topic. I am because I have to be. It is my life and I deal with it every day. If I were afraid to approach to topic with others it would mean I was afraid of my every moment of every day. I am thankful that my wife not only understands this, but is right on board with me... going along with my dark inappropriate jokes, and throwing others right back at me. If we didn't find those moments to laugh together it would be a sad life for us both for sure.

I am thankful for friends that understand my situation and have no problems going right along with it. Having friends that aren't afraid to ask me questions because they don't want to upset me. What upsets me is people who I can see purposely keep their distance from me because of their lack of comfort with the situation.

I am thankful that I have little health concerns (other than the whole "brain tumour" thing) going on right now. I still don't have headaches, haven't had a seizure since late July [sound of wood being knocked on], and experience no pain other than the daily injections I must give myself (and bi-weekly CancerCare blood exams). For a guy who has such a bleak health outlook, I feel pretty damn good almost each and every day! I find that being so 'healthy' in appearance gives people the false impression that I am ultimately "fine" and that "I will beat this thing". This is ultimately my plan, however the reality is that without advances in medication I will not likely live more than a few years. I will be ending my two-year chemotherapy treatment in December. After that it will be up to my will power, diet, and the hopes, prayers, and wishes of others to keep my tumour from growing. There are many options beyond this. If my tumour starts to grow back after being taken off the chemo, I could be put back on (with the hopes it works), another surgery could be performed (if it is growing back in only one place), or of course some combination thereof. If it starts to grow back in multiple places... I will need a lot more of your thoughts & prayers.

Speaking of which, I am more than thankful for the thoughts, wishes, prayers, and words of support I've received from so many people. Some close family members, some close friends, some distant friends & family, and some complete strangers. I can't thank any of you enough, and can only point to the fact I'm here writing this blog as proof you must be doing me some good ;)

I wish typed up words could convey the amount it truly touches me how much some of you have been affected by my situation. I could never have dreamed that I'd have received as much support as I have. I should say that Nicole & I have received, as both of us have been the recipients of so much (very much needed) love and support over the past 22+ months.

I am thankful for my in-laws who would be my family even if there were no laws stipulating such. You guys have meant so much to both Nicole and I and I can say with absolutely certainty that we would not have been able to make it this far without you.

I am thankful for my medical team who I would claim to be the best medical team there is. From my oncologist to my head nurse to my pharmacist to my social worker & the entire CancerCare team. You might think I dread going in to CancerCare for my frequent visits & appointments, but with those people there to help us through everything, things aren't as bad as they might otherwise be.

I am also thankful that none of the crazy Winnipeg drivers have taken my life prematurely (though try they certainly have), which leads me to thank my amazing wife once again, who has managed to keep both of us out of the ER from the many people who have tried (for some reason) to take our lives via vehicular manslaughter.

I'm thankful for my wife Nicole for making me hot chocolate... from scratch... without any sugar or unnatural ingredients just so that I could avoid missing out on one more thing. While I'm at it I thank my wife for making amazing dinners to make up for my severe cooking ability deficiency (it must come about as a side effect of one of the meds).

I thank Nicole for putting up with the fact I am a man who can be stubborn, lacking the ability to multitask or listen, all ON TOP of dealing with the whole cancer thing.

I thank you all for reading my endless rant, and Google for creating the means by which I can post my thoughts online for you all to read. I thank Samsung for creating the monitor which has allowed me to see what I have typed what I was thinking on this HP keyboard (who I thank for making said keyboard... despite the fact they seriously made the left shift key too small). I thank Al Gore for inventing the Internet to begin with, and I guess gravity for keeping everything pinned conveniently down to this computer desk (thanks Steve for letting me use your computer eh?).

THANK YOU ALL FOR EVERYTHING (is I think what I was trying to say). I must now go off to eat Thanksgiving dinner #2 prepared by Steve & Pat (who I thank for making and inviting us over for). I must not forget to thank my Aunt & Grandma who prepared and served Thanksgiving dinner #1 (which means I must thank my Uncle for providing the house in which it was served, and thus the Queen, who somehow made it all possible?). CHEERS!!!
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Tom