Got my MRI results earlier today. Thought I'd share them with you, given I said I would.
"There is no suggestion of progression" = good :)
Translation: It ain't getting bigger. = Sweet deal!!!
The report went on to state "The appearance of the remainder of the brain is unremarkable"
Not sure if I should be thankful or insulted on that last bit.
In the end, today was a good day. TGIF indeed. Cheers to ye all, and to all a goodnight!
--
Tom
Friday, October 19, 2012
Thursday, October 18, 2012
TGIF? Maybe?
Hello readers!
Some of you might have heard that this week has been a rough one. I had a seizure on Monday the 15th while waiting for the bus. I had a sense I had a seizure coming on, and for some reason thought I could possibly "will myself" into not having one. I remember thinking "Maybe if I walk up the sidewalk and get some fresh air I won't have one" which is a ridiculous thought looking back on things, but in my defense having a seizure implies my brain isn't quite firing on all cylinders (or perhaps is firing on too many at once). My point is that I don't think too clearly when I'm having a seizure. I also tend to lack any memory of my seizures and/or any period in the short time after it has occurred. In this case I remember deciding that I could not "walk off" my upcoming seizure so I should get back home (to my apartment across the street from where I was standing). I couldn't tell you if there were cars coming or not, as I can't remember crossing the street. What I can tell you is that I remember people standing over me (only be the fact I heard their voices) one of which asked me if I had someone they could contact. I gave them my wife Nicole's phone number, as she was still at home back at the apartment. The next thing I knew there was a fire truck and paramedics (firemen) helping me into their truck. They took my stats (blood glucose levels, blood pressure, oxygen saturation levels, and after determining that my oxygen levels were low, set me up on an oxygen line, and called Nicole after I gave them her number as well. Nicole had the pleasant surprise of waking up to our landlord banging on our front door and a call from a paramedic saying that they had found me lying down on the median between the north & southbound lanes of St. Anne's. I had chosen to wear a brand new pair of leather shoes that particular day, which were significantly damaged on the front of the shoe. We figure I must have tripped on the cement portion of the median (as I can't judge distance or depth well when I'm having a seizure... go figure) which caused me to trip & fall onto the grass and possibly into a tree on the median. This is based upon the paramedics assumption I had run into the tree as well as the fact I have a slightly bruised forehead and received a few scratches to my nose. My glasses were a bit dirty, as well as was the left side of my jacket and backpack. After any seizure I've experienced I feel completely drained of energy and extremely tired. In this case (seizure plus potential face-plant into a tree or the ground) left my body feeling quite out-of-sorts. I'm still a bit sore from it all.
But my lovely wife, as always, took care of me. She brought me back home, got me into bed, and I enjoyed some much needed rest. Her Dad swung by our place later that day to check on us, and brought some medicine for me in the form of an order of a Teen Burger and some Onion Rings. Thanks Steve!
I still feel run down from the whole thing, but I'm feeling better now. I have to say the whole ordeal shook my confidence as I had been feeling pretty good after having gone since July 27th since my last seizure. If I can go at least ONE CONSECUTIVE YEAR without having one I can find myself back in the driver seat of a car, instead of being dependent upon my wonderful wife to drive me wherever the Winnipeg Transit System tends not to service. Unfortunately this seizure shook even my confidence in taking the bus to work, something I had previously took pride in. Being in my situation leaves me feeling dependent upon others for a lot of things. Anyone who has been without a license for any extended period of time can appreciate just how much of an inconvenience it truly is. I can't just up and go out for food or go shopping on my own. I have to either take the bus (if / when the schedules & routes permit it), or get Nicole to drive me. Taking the bus to work each morning made me feel independent. It made me feel good not only take a burden off of Nicole's shoulders, but also give me my own time & space. I could (and often did) listen to my nerdy podcasts each morning. I could sit among the rest of society leaving for work or school living their normal lives. Since Monday I have not taken the bus. I haven't had the guts to get back on for fear that I could have another seizure and be on my own with no one around to help me. Nicole was right to point out that we were lucky I had my seizure when I was still so close to home. I know it worries her at the best of times to have me out there without her to watch over me and ensure nothing bad happens to me. She worries too much and takes on too much responsibility for my safety. I wish she didn't, but I can see why she does. I'm sure if I were in her shoes I'd be doing the same things and feeling the same way. I'd just like to be able to say "No worries love! Nothing bad is going to happen to me today!" And be able to say it with the sort of absolute (perhaps naive) confidence I once did.
We go for my MRI results tomorrow afternoon (hence the title of this blog entry). I'm hoping it will be a Friday worth saying TGIF! I just want good results and then the weekend to relax and unwind with my wife. It is the same thing each and every time we have my "Friday after" (MRI results) visits. We stress and worry all the way up to the appointment. We will try to sleep tonight (I'll probably succeed better than Nicole will at this). We will wake up in the morning, probably feeling like we haven't slept at all. We will head to the HSC, park the car in the underground, head on over to get my bloodwork done (a process I'm all too familiar with), then wait forever just to get the bloodwork done. Next we'll head over to "Clinic 2" at CancerCare. There we'll sign-in and wait forever to be called in. There I will be weighed in, and we'll be sent to a room to sit and wait (forever) for the doctor to come see us. We'll likely see a nurse first. Then my oncologist will come in and give us the results. We'll try to judge the look on his face, the movements he makes, and interpret them as any sort of indication long before he utters his first words. Then he'll speak and our lives will change. Either we'll be cast from our current world of unknowing into the wonderful (but often short-lived) world of temporary relief, or the other world... that of fear, unknowing, and panic.
Regardless we'll be there together, as we always have been, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm still the luckiest guy I know. If I could change having a terminal illness in the form of a cancerous brain tumour... I would. If doing so meant changing any part of my life outside of that, and losing any of the people I have closest to me in my life (my wife being at the top of that list) I would not change a thing. My life is seriously awesome. Tomorrow might not be seriously awesome, but it might just be. I think I kicked ass during that MRI last week, so I can't see how the results could be anything less than awesome. That and I have all of you thinking about me and sending me your best wishes, thoughts and prayers. I will post before the day is done at least a brief post describing my update. Thanks & Cheers!
--
Tom
PS: I'm too tired to check this one over for spelling and/or grammar. It's all yours Luke!
Some of you might have heard that this week has been a rough one. I had a seizure on Monday the 15th while waiting for the bus. I had a sense I had a seizure coming on, and for some reason thought I could possibly "will myself" into not having one. I remember thinking "Maybe if I walk up the sidewalk and get some fresh air I won't have one" which is a ridiculous thought looking back on things, but in my defense having a seizure implies my brain isn't quite firing on all cylinders (or perhaps is firing on too many at once). My point is that I don't think too clearly when I'm having a seizure. I also tend to lack any memory of my seizures and/or any period in the short time after it has occurred. In this case I remember deciding that I could not "walk off" my upcoming seizure so I should get back home (to my apartment across the street from where I was standing). I couldn't tell you if there were cars coming or not, as I can't remember crossing the street. What I can tell you is that I remember people standing over me (only be the fact I heard their voices) one of which asked me if I had someone they could contact. I gave them my wife Nicole's phone number, as she was still at home back at the apartment. The next thing I knew there was a fire truck and paramedics (firemen) helping me into their truck. They took my stats (blood glucose levels, blood pressure, oxygen saturation levels, and after determining that my oxygen levels were low, set me up on an oxygen line, and called Nicole after I gave them her number as well. Nicole had the pleasant surprise of waking up to our landlord banging on our front door and a call from a paramedic saying that they had found me lying down on the median between the north & southbound lanes of St. Anne's. I had chosen to wear a brand new pair of leather shoes that particular day, which were significantly damaged on the front of the shoe. We figure I must have tripped on the cement portion of the median (as I can't judge distance or depth well when I'm having a seizure... go figure) which caused me to trip & fall onto the grass and possibly into a tree on the median. This is based upon the paramedics assumption I had run into the tree as well as the fact I have a slightly bruised forehead and received a few scratches to my nose. My glasses were a bit dirty, as well as was the left side of my jacket and backpack. After any seizure I've experienced I feel completely drained of energy and extremely tired. In this case (seizure plus potential face-plant into a tree or the ground) left my body feeling quite out-of-sorts. I'm still a bit sore from it all.
But my lovely wife, as always, took care of me. She brought me back home, got me into bed, and I enjoyed some much needed rest. Her Dad swung by our place later that day to check on us, and brought some medicine for me in the form of an order of a Teen Burger and some Onion Rings. Thanks Steve!
I still feel run down from the whole thing, but I'm feeling better now. I have to say the whole ordeal shook my confidence as I had been feeling pretty good after having gone since July 27th since my last seizure. If I can go at least ONE CONSECUTIVE YEAR without having one I can find myself back in the driver seat of a car, instead of being dependent upon my wonderful wife to drive me wherever the Winnipeg Transit System tends not to service. Unfortunately this seizure shook even my confidence in taking the bus to work, something I had previously took pride in. Being in my situation leaves me feeling dependent upon others for a lot of things. Anyone who has been without a license for any extended period of time can appreciate just how much of an inconvenience it truly is. I can't just up and go out for food or go shopping on my own. I have to either take the bus (if / when the schedules & routes permit it), or get Nicole to drive me. Taking the bus to work each morning made me feel independent. It made me feel good not only take a burden off of Nicole's shoulders, but also give me my own time & space. I could (and often did) listen to my nerdy podcasts each morning. I could sit among the rest of society leaving for work or school living their normal lives. Since Monday I have not taken the bus. I haven't had the guts to get back on for fear that I could have another seizure and be on my own with no one around to help me. Nicole was right to point out that we were lucky I had my seizure when I was still so close to home. I know it worries her at the best of times to have me out there without her to watch over me and ensure nothing bad happens to me. She worries too much and takes on too much responsibility for my safety. I wish she didn't, but I can see why she does. I'm sure if I were in her shoes I'd be doing the same things and feeling the same way. I'd just like to be able to say "No worries love! Nothing bad is going to happen to me today!" And be able to say it with the sort of absolute (perhaps naive) confidence I once did.
We go for my MRI results tomorrow afternoon (hence the title of this blog entry). I'm hoping it will be a Friday worth saying TGIF! I just want good results and then the weekend to relax and unwind with my wife. It is the same thing each and every time we have my "Friday after" (MRI results) visits. We stress and worry all the way up to the appointment. We will try to sleep tonight (I'll probably succeed better than Nicole will at this). We will wake up in the morning, probably feeling like we haven't slept at all. We will head to the HSC, park the car in the underground, head on over to get my bloodwork done (a process I'm all too familiar with), then wait forever just to get the bloodwork done. Next we'll head over to "Clinic 2" at CancerCare. There we'll sign-in and wait forever to be called in. There I will be weighed in, and we'll be sent to a room to sit and wait (forever) for the doctor to come see us. We'll likely see a nurse first. Then my oncologist will come in and give us the results. We'll try to judge the look on his face, the movements he makes, and interpret them as any sort of indication long before he utters his first words. Then he'll speak and our lives will change. Either we'll be cast from our current world of unknowing into the wonderful (but often short-lived) world of temporary relief, or the other world... that of fear, unknowing, and panic.
Regardless we'll be there together, as we always have been, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm still the luckiest guy I know. If I could change having a terminal illness in the form of a cancerous brain tumour... I would. If doing so meant changing any part of my life outside of that, and losing any of the people I have closest to me in my life (my wife being at the top of that list) I would not change a thing. My life is seriously awesome. Tomorrow might not be seriously awesome, but it might just be. I think I kicked ass during that MRI last week, so I can't see how the results could be anything less than awesome. That and I have all of you thinking about me and sending me your best wishes, thoughts and prayers. I will post before the day is done at least a brief post describing my update. Thanks & Cheers!
--
Tom
PS: I'm too tired to check this one over for spelling and/or grammar. It's all yours Luke!
Monday, October 8, 2012
Thanks eh?
Of all people, I should think I have the most to be thankful for. Okay, at least more than most people. It isn't hard to guess what falls at the top of my list...
I am still alive!
Now that's pretty cool. Especially given I was told I'd have 3 months to 1 year to live... almost 2 years ago. Things are still as unsure as they were at the beginning of my journey, but for one key difference. How I view life and all contained within it has changed dramatically. Getting a terminal can do that to a guy. I am thankful for the friends I have. Though I may have fewer friends than I did prior to my diagnosis, the friendships I do have are so much more meaningful than any I had prior. I am thankful for the amazing amount of support I experience on a daily basis. I cannot explain fully just how much support I have. It comes from all sides. It comes from those members of my family who have stayed close to me throughout this process, it comes from those friends who have stuck around from the day of my surgery to this very day, and it comes above all else from my wife, who I might have mentioned before. Nicole O'Leary-Sontag is the best thing to have happened to me without a doubt. I could not manage my daily life without her, of that I am sure. We go through the good times and the bad together. As you might imagine, the bad times can be overwhelmingly bad, and occur just a little more often in our lives than either of us might like. This being said, she always finds a way to keep me going, to keep me positive, and keep me fighting. What I do, I do for many people and many reasons, but without a doubt I do it for her above all else.
Those of you closest to me probably know I am very upfront and unafraid to discuss my cancer. I'm sure some people would find it odd that I am so direct about such a sensitive topic. I am because I have to be. It is my life and I deal with it every day. If I were afraid to approach to topic with others it would mean I was afraid of my every moment of every day. I am thankful that my wife not only understands this, but is right on board with me... going along with my dark inappropriate jokes, and throwing others right back at me. If we didn't find those moments to laugh together it would be a sad life for us both for sure.
I am thankful for friends that understand my situation and have no problems going right along with it. Having friends that aren't afraid to ask me questions because they don't want to upset me. What upsets me is people who I can see purposely keep their distance from me because of their lack of comfort with the situation.
I am thankful that I have little health concerns (other than the whole "brain tumour" thing) going on right now. I still don't have headaches, haven't had a seizure since late July [sound of wood being knocked on], and experience no pain other than the daily injections I must give myself (and bi-weekly CancerCare blood exams). For a guy who has such a bleak health outlook, I feel pretty damn good almost each and every day! I find that being so 'healthy' in appearance gives people the false impression that I am ultimately "fine" and that "I will beat this thing". This is ultimately my plan, however the reality is that without advances in medication I will not likely live more than a few years. I will be ending my two-year chemotherapy treatment in December. After that it will be up to my will power, diet, and the hopes, prayers, and wishes of others to keep my tumour from growing. There are many options beyond this. If my tumour starts to grow back after being taken off the chemo, I could be put back on (with the hopes it works), another surgery could be performed (if it is growing back in only one place), or of course some combination thereof. If it starts to grow back in multiple places... I will need a lot more of your thoughts & prayers.
Speaking of which, I am more than thankful for the thoughts, wishes, prayers, and words of support I've received from so many people. Some close family members, some close friends, some distant friends & family, and some complete strangers. I can't thank any of you enough, and can only point to the fact I'm here writing this blog as proof you must be doing me some good ;)
I wish typed up words could convey the amount it truly touches me how much some of you have been affected by my situation. I could never have dreamed that I'd have received as much support as I have. I should say that Nicole & I have received, as both of us have been the recipients of so much (very much needed) love and support over the past 22+ months.
I am thankful for my in-laws who would be my family even if there were no laws stipulating such. You guys have meant so much to both Nicole and I and I can say with absolutely certainty that we would not have been able to make it this far without you.
I am thankful for my medical team who I would claim to be the best medical team there is. From my oncologist to my head nurse to my pharmacist to my social worker & the entire CancerCare team. You might think I dread going in to CancerCare for my frequent visits & appointments, but with those people there to help us through everything, things aren't as bad as they might otherwise be.
I am also thankful that none of the crazy Winnipeg drivers have taken my life prematurely (though try they certainly have), which leads me to thank my amazing wife once again, who has managed to keep both of us out of the ER from the many people who have tried (for some reason) to take our lives via vehicular manslaughter.
I'm thankful for my wife Nicole for making me hot chocolate... from scratch... without any sugar or unnatural ingredients just so that I could avoid missing out on one more thing. While I'm at it I thank my wife for making amazing dinners to make up for my severe cooking ability deficiency (it must come about as a side effect of one of the meds).
I thank Nicole for putting up with the fact I am a man who can be stubborn, lacking the ability to multitask or listen, all ON TOP of dealing with the whole cancer thing.
I thank you all for reading my endless rant, and Google for creating the means by which I can post my thoughts online for you all to read. I thank Samsung for creating the monitor which has allowed me to see what I have typed what I was thinking on this HP keyboard (who I thank for making said keyboard... despite the fact they seriously made the left shift key too small). I thank Al Gore for inventing the Internet to begin with, and I guess gravity for keeping everything pinned conveniently down to this computer desk (thanks Steve for letting me use your computer eh?).
THANK YOU ALL FOR EVERYTHING (is I think what I was trying to say). I must now go off to eat Thanksgiving dinner #2 prepared by Steve & Pat (who I thank for making and inviting us over for). I must not forget to thank my Aunt & Grandma who prepared and served Thanksgiving dinner #1 (which means I must thank my Uncle for providing the house in which it was served, and thus the Queen, who somehow made it all possible?). CHEERS!!!
--
Tom
I am still alive!
Now that's pretty cool. Especially given I was told I'd have 3 months to 1 year to live... almost 2 years ago. Things are still as unsure as they were at the beginning of my journey, but for one key difference. How I view life and all contained within it has changed dramatically. Getting a terminal can do that to a guy. I am thankful for the friends I have. Though I may have fewer friends than I did prior to my diagnosis, the friendships I do have are so much more meaningful than any I had prior. I am thankful for the amazing amount of support I experience on a daily basis. I cannot explain fully just how much support I have. It comes from all sides. It comes from those members of my family who have stayed close to me throughout this process, it comes from those friends who have stuck around from the day of my surgery to this very day, and it comes above all else from my wife, who I might have mentioned before. Nicole O'Leary-Sontag is the best thing to have happened to me without a doubt. I could not manage my daily life without her, of that I am sure. We go through the good times and the bad together. As you might imagine, the bad times can be overwhelmingly bad, and occur just a little more often in our lives than either of us might like. This being said, she always finds a way to keep me going, to keep me positive, and keep me fighting. What I do, I do for many people and many reasons, but without a doubt I do it for her above all else.
Those of you closest to me probably know I am very upfront and unafraid to discuss my cancer. I'm sure some people would find it odd that I am so direct about such a sensitive topic. I am because I have to be. It is my life and I deal with it every day. If I were afraid to approach to topic with others it would mean I was afraid of my every moment of every day. I am thankful that my wife not only understands this, but is right on board with me... going along with my dark inappropriate jokes, and throwing others right back at me. If we didn't find those moments to laugh together it would be a sad life for us both for sure.
I am thankful for friends that understand my situation and have no problems going right along with it. Having friends that aren't afraid to ask me questions because they don't want to upset me. What upsets me is people who I can see purposely keep their distance from me because of their lack of comfort with the situation.
I am thankful that I have little health concerns (other than the whole "brain tumour" thing) going on right now. I still don't have headaches, haven't had a seizure since late July [sound of wood being knocked on], and experience no pain other than the daily injections I must give myself (and bi-weekly CancerCare blood exams). For a guy who has such a bleak health outlook, I feel pretty damn good almost each and every day! I find that being so 'healthy' in appearance gives people the false impression that I am ultimately "fine" and that "I will beat this thing". This is ultimately my plan, however the reality is that without advances in medication I will not likely live more than a few years. I will be ending my two-year chemotherapy treatment in December. After that it will be up to my will power, diet, and the hopes, prayers, and wishes of others to keep my tumour from growing. There are many options beyond this. If my tumour starts to grow back after being taken off the chemo, I could be put back on (with the hopes it works), another surgery could be performed (if it is growing back in only one place), or of course some combination thereof. If it starts to grow back in multiple places... I will need a lot more of your thoughts & prayers.
Speaking of which, I am more than thankful for the thoughts, wishes, prayers, and words of support I've received from so many people. Some close family members, some close friends, some distant friends & family, and some complete strangers. I can't thank any of you enough, and can only point to the fact I'm here writing this blog as proof you must be doing me some good ;)
I wish typed up words could convey the amount it truly touches me how much some of you have been affected by my situation. I could never have dreamed that I'd have received as much support as I have. I should say that Nicole & I have received, as both of us have been the recipients of so much (very much needed) love and support over the past 22+ months.
I am thankful for my in-laws who would be my family even if there were no laws stipulating such. You guys have meant so much to both Nicole and I and I can say with absolutely certainty that we would not have been able to make it this far without you.
I am thankful for my medical team who I would claim to be the best medical team there is. From my oncologist to my head nurse to my pharmacist to my social worker & the entire CancerCare team. You might think I dread going in to CancerCare for my frequent visits & appointments, but with those people there to help us through everything, things aren't as bad as they might otherwise be.
I am also thankful that none of the crazy Winnipeg drivers have taken my life prematurely (though try they certainly have), which leads me to thank my amazing wife once again, who has managed to keep both of us out of the ER from the many people who have tried (for some reason) to take our lives via vehicular manslaughter.
I'm thankful for my wife Nicole for making me hot chocolate... from scratch... without any sugar or unnatural ingredients just so that I could avoid missing out on one more thing. While I'm at it I thank my wife for making amazing dinners to make up for my severe cooking ability deficiency (it must come about as a side effect of one of the meds).
I thank Nicole for putting up with the fact I am a man who can be stubborn, lacking the ability to multitask or listen, all ON TOP of dealing with the whole cancer thing.
I thank you all for reading my endless rant, and Google for creating the means by which I can post my thoughts online for you all to read. I thank Samsung for creating the monitor which has allowed me to see what I have typed what I was thinking on this HP keyboard (who I thank for making said keyboard... despite the fact they seriously made the left shift key too small). I thank Al Gore for inventing the Internet to begin with, and I guess gravity for keeping everything pinned conveniently down to this computer desk (thanks Steve for letting me use your computer eh?).
THANK YOU ALL FOR EVERYTHING (is I think what I was trying to say). I must now go off to eat Thanksgiving dinner #2 prepared by Steve & Pat (who I thank for making and inviting us over for). I must not forget to thank my Aunt & Grandma who prepared and served Thanksgiving dinner #1 (which means I must thank my Uncle for providing the house in which it was served, and thus the Queen, who somehow made it all possible?). CHEERS!!!
--
Tom
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)