I'm in a bubble

Time for the funniest story of Tom's crazy dream world I could ever tell. I will no longer be afraid to grow old and die, as I have done it 300+ times over tonight. Make sense? It shouldn't. Because I'm fricken' crazy!!! Long story short? I'll try…

So I'll start with an update on my condition. I really don't know how I'm doing right now. The doctors think I may have a small bleed in my brain which is why I'm going back to the HSC this morning for another CT scan so they can see if things have gotten worse, stayed the same, or not changed at all. Meanwhile, I suppose this brain bleed has the potential to push on my brain much in the same way the tumour does, thus can cause me to experience some odd effects, which I most certainly did repeatedly (just now). Let the crazy talk begin…

I just woke up from what might have been my 300th dream in a row where I was in an alternate reality or universe (if you will) where Nicole didn't really know me. Everytime I woke up the world was the same but for the people around me who no longer knew who I was. It was really like living the same nightmare over 300+ times but they were all turned into sweet dreams by one Nicole O'Leary, who I think I just woke up over 300 times in the past couple of hours. Here's how it all went down. I knew in reality that I had experienced the whole "brain bleed" once before (a seriously convincing case of de ja vu). I also determined that I no longer had a cancerous brain tumour (and in fact never did have one. I had simply made the whole thing up either consciously or subconsciously for some odd reason). The scary part was that each time I woke up Nicole had no idea who I was. It was as though we had never met and she was scarred of me. I have never been so heartbroken in all of my life. The worst part was that if I started crying she didn't understand why even if I tried to explain it to her, because of course I was just speaking gibberish to a woman who was on less than an hour's worth of sleep. God bless Nicole for having the strength and patience to "humour" crazy Tom and say "Ok Tom, I know you're just in a bubble right now." Just try and get some sleep ok? And each time would play along with my crazy crazy nightmarish dreams. For that she is and will always be a complete saint and the love of my life… now and forever! She currently sits in our bedroom believing I am minutes away from death with a severe blood clot in my lung but I refuse to go to the hospital (as it does not exist beyond the bubble of a dream I am currently in). This is why I will beat this brain cancer and spend forever with her. How could any man not do the same. Thank you Nicole, you are more than I deserve and could ever have asked for. You are 1 in 1,000,000 (even better than the odds of getting Glioblastoma Multiforme if I do recall correctly). Sorry for messing up your already incredibly short sleep cycle my love ;) See you in the morning… just kidding! Dark humour I know, but it is all I have left without you :(

Cheers!

--

Tom

So I've forever lost my lovely Nicole, but at least I got to spend like 300+ crazy days with her before it all came to a far too abrupt end. I had to finally let her get her much needed rest as it is now 2:30am and my Mom will be arriving at the apartment in less than 7 hours to take us to the HSC for my CT scan. I don't fully know what damage a brain bleed can do but I'm hoping it's not too much as I can't imagine not being here for my Nicole. On the plus side as I mentioned above I feel like I've just spent 300+ lifetimes with her (IN A ROW!) which is something I could not have done here on Earth as hard as I might have tried!

I'm a douche. I'm putting Nicole through hell. Everyone Please lookafter her when I'm gone, which will be soon (I fear). She deserves so much better than me. She deserves the sun and the moon and all of the stars in the sky. An maybe a better looking boyfriend too ;) I think I was none too shabby though. Alas I keep looking for clues that these dreams are real but can find none to be had. Perhaps I must take the world as it comes. A glorious mess. I can accept my fate whenever it awaits me, for I have spent my time beside an angel while here on Earth! I owe you everything Nicole. Do not grieve me, any longer than it might seem necessary, which I'd give a couple of hours (though no more). Cheers Everyeone! See you tomorrow!

PS: Go to bed people! It's late! ;)