Hello all of you bored people. You must be bored or else you would not be wasting time reading the aimless wanderings of a dangerously odd mind. Fair warning, I plan to wander. So, how is the married life you ask? Well you didn't ask, but I knew that secretly you wanted to. It is awesome. It is kind of like being single, but without the loneliness, hopelessness, and inability to feed or dress yourself. Marriage brings you the sort of legal security that true love never could. Just kidding (Nicole... it's too soon for divorce right?). I get to wear this cool ring (jewellery for men that doesn't make you look strange... like a Superbowl ring or something like that). I get to call Nicole my wife, as she gets to call me her husband, which she does... endlessly so that she can get used to it. I could try and be all tough guy here, but I'm so much of a man that I don't have to. I love Nicole with all of my heart and I couldn't be happier to be married to her. I'm still running off of the emotional high that the wedding brought to me. It's not a huge change for either of us, as we both knew we'd spend the rest of our lives together anyways, this just made it official. Somehow though, it is still fantastic. Ok, enough of the emotional stuff (that stuff is for chicks anyways right?)
Since Nicole and I have been married I've mostly sat on the couch watching sports games while downing the beers. As the husband I get to "inform" Nicole when the beers have not been chilled quite enough, or that she hasn't been monitoring the can quantity closely enough so as to replace an empty can with a full one as soon as it hits the coaster. (I know... coasters? It's something you do in the whole marriage thing. "Give and take" or something rather). She's learning, but there is still some work to do. My feet go surprisingly un-rubbed during the course of most evenings. Sigh...
Ok, for real? Life is great. We watch our nightly South Park episode before she injects me with the Dalteparin (Fragmin) I so desperately crave. I really should sign up for an "AA" meeting one of these days, though there doesn't seem to be a demand for "Anti-coagulateds Anonymous". Go figure.
I've learned some lessons I'd like to pass along to perspective husbands out there.
#1) Just because you take your ring off, does not mean you are no longer married.
#2) Marriage does not imply a clean slate. She can still bring up things you did pre-marriage to use against you.
#3) There are few financial benefits to marriage. Seniors and students get all the breaks while "Happily Married Couples Day" remains somehow absent from the marketing landscape.
#4) Writing letters to people becomes difficult as a couple. Do I sign it from the both of us? Should I stick with the pronoun "we" throughout? Stick in a few "I"s? This one is tricky.
#5) The bar has been raised, even if you didn't know it. Is it raining outside? You'd better go around to open her door for her, if not drive up to the front of the store to pick her up! Simply hitting the unlock button for her worked as her BF, but this stuff is serious now.
#6) You now have a whole new family. While there are 8,000 benefits to this, you must now remember a list of names (which you must match to faces... distant relatives count too) and birthdays. You should probably buy a notepad or address book. Or do as I do and rely on your wife to remind you of everything.
#7) Actually, that's about it. Perhaps I should move on to the advantages...
I thought about leaving the blog post empty after this point, but that would just be mean, and as a husband you cannot be mean - ever.
Men specific:
#1) You don't have to change anything. Not your name, not your "Mr" prefix, not your signature, not even your level of hygiene (in fact you can probably let this one slip a little).
#2) You get to use derogative words/phrases to describe your wife, so long as they are "in jest" (NOTE: she must realize the joking nature of your comments. I suggest working on your tone of voice). Try these: "Well I'd better check with the ol' ball 'n chain!" or "Look at you just lying there on the couch ya ol' hag!" Ok, that last one is a stretch at best. Work on some and let me know what you come up with.
#3) You'll never look badly dressed in public again! She won't let you! Why? Because if you look embarrassing it not only affects how people think of you, it debases others opinions of her.
#4) You'll learn new concepts such as "Your fridge is not a carbon freezing chamber, and that meatloaf is not Han Solo... it won't last in there forever" and "The five second rule is a myth." These will greatly increase your life expectancy.
I'm sure there are many more, but these are the ones that come to mind first and foremost. Back to seriousness (sorry all)... Nicole you are the best wife a guy could ever ask for and I'm so happy to be married to you. To celebrate our new lives together, we should go on a date! Tim Horton's and a movie? Maybe a cinnamon muffin from Tim's? They say we should try our best to keep the spice in our relationship. (PS: Thanks for putting up with my seemingly endless bad puns love!)
I've thanked a bajillion people a bajillion times for all the wedding related things (including the wedding), but it bares repeating "THANKS!" to all of you. You know who you are (thankfully, as it would take me a long time to list all of your names here).
On to life! Not that marriage isn't part of life. Oh no, I seem to be digging myself a hole. The expression "Dig Up Stupid" comes to mind. On to non-marriage related life! *phew* I went for an MRI today. It went well. I didn't move much and got to hear a lot of loud noises! It's hard to screw up an MRI, unless you sneeze. I must admit some sarcasm to my previous statement, as I love to point out that most people say to me "Good luck on your MRI!" They mean the best, and I know what they are saying, however it is fun to reply "Thanks! The MRI is the easy part, it's the results I'm worried about." So I'll let everyone know those results when I get them. Probably a few weeks away, though with any luck I'll know sooner. Today was my last day of Accutane, so my face should flake off significantly less tomorrow! I start my next round/cycle of meds next Wednesday, hence I will feel not so great Wednesday June 8th through to around the 14th or so. Hopefully it won't be so bad this time 'round. I actually find that the few days following my 5-day chemo run are worse than the 5 days I am taking the chemo, as the chemo remains in my system, but I am no longer taking the anti-nausea pills that help me feel better. C'est la vie. As long as these things keep my tumour from growing faster I'm a fan of them.
School. So I finished eh? Think I told you that before. Graduated with my Bachelor of Commerce (Honours) from the UofM and have my convocation tomorrow afternoon. I don't like to brag, but I was proud of myself for a letter I received last week. It stated that I would be receiving a medal in recognition of my having the "highest standing" of anyone taking the "Management of Organizations" major within the faculty. I'm only 5'8", so I'm not sure they calculated that one correctly, but I'm going to keep my mouth shut and take the medal anyways. It's not a medal in honesty or morality after all.
Miscellaneous. So life keeps going eh? Damnedest thing. I keep waiting for it to slow down so I can relax and enjoy it, but it never does! I have my list of "to do"s which seems to grow more each day than it shrinks. Never got those pants returned to Costco today, or my maps delivered to my Mom, or my Grandma's food containers back to her, or bought that balloon from Party Stuff, or delivered the gift to Tina, or got my car battery plugged back in or the car itself cleaned out, or got my remaining stuff from my Mom's basement cleaned up and packed away, or called the mechanic (affectionately known as "Dave") about bringing the car in, or edited the wedding videos for burning to a disc, or organized my iPhoto library by date, or completed the tenant add form for Nicole, or submitted my June's rent, or gotten that Blue Cross form to Dr. Schroeder, or deposited my latest cheque into the bank, or did any laundry, or went to TipTop to get my credit, or cleaned any part of the apartment/flat, or took out the recycling... but I did write a new blog post, so that's something right? Tomorrow I'll get everything done. I'm sure. I mean how could I not complete my entire list?
Well, I've made my wife wait long enough. Time for South Park! Cheers all!
--
Tom
PS: If all goes well with the MRI results, me and the misses plan to take an actual honeymoon somewhere far away from my "to do" list. I look forward to it :)
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