Mr. (Married) Thomas's first blog post

Hello all of you bored people. You must be bored or else you would not be wasting time reading the aimless wanderings of a dangerously odd mind. Fair warning, I plan to wander. So, how is the married life you ask? Well you didn't ask, but I knew that secretly you wanted to. It is awesome. It is kind of like being single, but without the loneliness, hopelessness, and inability to feed or dress yourself. Marriage brings you the sort of legal security that true love never could. Just kidding (Nicole... it's too soon for divorce right?). I get to wear this cool ring (jewellery for men that doesn't make you look strange... like a Superbowl ring or something like that). I get to call Nicole my wife, as she gets to call me her husband, which she does... endlessly so that she can get used to it. I could try and be all tough guy here, but I'm so much of a man that I don't have to. I love Nicole with all of my heart and I couldn't be happier to be married to her. I'm still running off of the emotional high that the wedding brought to me. It's not a huge change for either of us, as we both knew we'd spend the rest of our lives together anyways, this just made it official. Somehow though, it is still fantastic. Ok, enough of the emotional stuff (that stuff is for chicks anyways right?)

Since Nicole and I have been married I've mostly sat on the couch watching sports games while downing the beers. As the husband I get to "inform" Nicole when the beers have not been chilled quite enough, or that she hasn't been monitoring the can quantity closely enough so as to replace an empty can with a full one as soon as it hits the coaster. (I know... coasters? It's something you do in the whole marriage thing. "Give and take" or something rather). She's learning, but there is still some work to do. My feet go surprisingly un-rubbed during the course of most evenings. Sigh...

Ok, for real? Life is great. We watch our nightly South Park episode before she injects me with the Dalteparin (Fragmin) I so desperately crave. I really should sign up for an "AA" meeting one of these days, though there doesn't seem to be a demand for "Anti-coagulateds Anonymous". Go figure.

I've learned some lessons I'd like to pass along to perspective husbands out there.

#1) Just because you take your ring off, does not mean you are no longer married.
#2) Marriage does not imply a clean slate. She can still bring up things you did pre-marriage to use against you.
#3) There are few financial benefits to marriage. Seniors and students get all the breaks while "Happily Married Couples Day" remains somehow absent from the marketing landscape.
#4) Writing letters to people becomes difficult as a couple. Do I sign it from the both of us? Should I stick with the pronoun "we" throughout? Stick in a few "I"s? This one is tricky.
#5) The bar has been raised, even if you didn't know it. Is it raining outside? You'd better go around to open her door for her, if not drive up to the front of the store to pick her up! Simply hitting the unlock button for her worked as her BF, but this stuff is serious now.
#6) You now have a whole new family. While there are 8,000 benefits to this, you must now remember a list of names (which you must match to faces... distant relatives count too) and birthdays. You should probably buy a notepad or address book. Or do as I do and rely on your wife to remind you of everything.
#7) Actually, that's about it. Perhaps I should move on to the advantages...

I thought about leaving the blog post empty after this point, but that would just be mean, and as a husband you cannot be mean - ever.

Men specific:

#1) You don't have to change anything. Not your name, not your "Mr" prefix, not your signature, not even your level of hygiene (in fact you can probably let this one slip a little).
#2) You get to use derogative words/phrases to describe your wife, so long as they are "in jest" (NOTE: she must realize the joking nature of your comments. I suggest working on your tone of voice). Try these: "Well I'd better check with the ol' ball 'n chain!" or "Look at you just lying there on the couch ya ol' hag!" Ok, that last one is a stretch at best. Work on some and let me know what you come up with.
#3) You'll never look badly dressed in public again! She won't let you! Why? Because if you look embarrassing it not only affects how people think of you, it debases others opinions of her.
#4) You'll learn new concepts such as "Your fridge is not a carbon freezing chamber, and that meatloaf is not Han Solo... it won't last in there forever" and "The five second rule is a myth." These will greatly increase your life expectancy.

I'm sure there are many more, but these are the ones that come to mind first and foremost. Back to seriousness (sorry all)... Nicole you are the best wife a guy could ever ask for and I'm so happy to be married to you. To celebrate our new lives together, we should go on a date! Tim Horton's and a movie? Maybe a cinnamon muffin from Tim's? They say we should try our best to keep the spice in our relationship. (PS: Thanks for putting up with my seemingly endless bad puns love!)

I've thanked a bajillion people a bajillion times for all the wedding related things (including the wedding), but it bares repeating "THANKS!" to all of you. You know who you are (thankfully, as it would take me a long time to list all of your names here).

On to life! Not that marriage isn't part of life. Oh no, I seem to be digging myself a hole. The expression "Dig Up Stupid" comes to mind. On to non-marriage related life! *phew* I went for an MRI today. It went well. I didn't move much and got to hear a lot of loud noises! It's hard to screw up an MRI, unless you sneeze. I must admit some sarcasm to my previous statement, as I love to point out that most people say to me "Good luck on your MRI!" They mean the best, and I know what they are saying, however it is fun to reply "Thanks! The MRI is the easy part, it's the results I'm worried about." So I'll let everyone know those results when I get them. Probably a few weeks away, though with any luck I'll know sooner.  Today was my last day of Accutane, so my face should flake off significantly less tomorrow! I start my next round/cycle of meds next Wednesday, hence I will feel not so great Wednesday June 8th through to around the 14th or so. Hopefully it won't be so bad this time 'round. I actually find that the few days following my 5-day chemo run are worse than the 5 days I am taking the chemo, as the chemo remains in my system, but I am no longer taking the anti-nausea pills that help me feel better. C'est la vie. As long as these things keep my tumour from growing faster I'm a fan of them.

School. So I finished eh? Think I told you that before. Graduated with my Bachelor of Commerce (Honours) from the UofM and have my convocation tomorrow afternoon. I don't like to brag, but I was proud of myself for a letter I received last week. It stated that I would be receiving a medal in recognition of my having the "highest standing" of anyone taking the "Management of Organizations" major within the faculty. I'm only 5'8", so I'm not sure they calculated that one correctly, but I'm going to keep my mouth shut and take the medal anyways. It's not a medal in honesty or morality after all.

Miscellaneous. So life keeps going eh? Damnedest thing. I keep waiting for it to slow down so I can relax and enjoy it, but it never does! I have my list of "to do"s which seems to grow more each day than it shrinks. Never got those pants returned to Costco today, or my maps delivered to my Mom, or my Grandma's food containers back to her, or bought that balloon from Party Stuff, or delivered the gift to Tina, or got my car battery plugged back in or the car itself cleaned out, or got my remaining stuff from my Mom's basement cleaned up and packed away, or called the mechanic (affectionately known as "Dave") about bringing the car in, or edited the wedding videos for burning to a disc, or organized my iPhoto library by date, or completed the tenant add form for Nicole, or submitted my June's rent, or gotten that Blue Cross form to Dr. Schroeder, or deposited my latest cheque into the bank, or did any laundry, or went to TipTop to get my credit, or cleaned any part of the apartment/flat, or took out the recycling... but I did write a new blog post, so that's something right? Tomorrow I'll get everything done. I'm sure. I mean how could I not complete my entire list?

Well, I've made my wife wait long enough. Time for South Park! Cheers all!
--
Tom

PS: If all goes well with the MRI results, me and the misses plan to take an actual honeymoon somewhere far away from my "to do" list. I look forward to it :)

New Blog Post!!!

Are you serious? I don't have time for a new blog post people! I'm getting married in less than 4 days!!!
--
Tom

PS: Cheers!

Happy Tuesday!!!

Hello everyone!

So I have some bad news. I have a cold sore. Other than that things are looking pretty damn good!

SCHOOL UPDATE: I'm still done. I keep expecting an assignment to be sent to my UofM email account but so far there have been none! On the 1st of June I get to wear a gown (probably not as fancy as Kate's... or Nicole's for that matter) and get my "Piece of Paper" that says I graduated! I plan to frame it and put it on my wall. Seems fair. 9 years of endless toil for two pieces of paper in frames on a wall? So worth it.

LIFE UPDATE: I'm getting married in a few days (11 or so) to this lovely/wonderful/hot/brilliant/caring/kind/funny girl named Nicole. Her name will even change to reflect this event. Goodbye Nicole O'Leary, hello Nicole O'Leary-Sontag! We're modern people hence the hyphen. We both agreed it should be done to make the signing of all future cheques more difficult for her. That and her family is too freakin' awesome to let that name fall by the wayside. It's not Nicole's fault she was born a female in to a generally sexist society in which her gender usually loses out. Plus if she was born a male the whole me getting married to her would very much be in question (The wedding of Nic & Tom would become the wedding of Nick & Tom... not cool). Turns out weddings involve many many little details that have to be worked out, and working them out is a tad bit stressful. I'm still trying to learn how to dance in the less than two weeks I have left.

MEDICAL UPDATE: I'm still alive! Pretty cool eh? I have my next MRI on the 31st of May, so until then I know very little. I start my 3rd "cycle" of post-radiation therapy tomorrow. It is the exact same dosages as the 2nd cycle, which I had no problems with, so I'm hoping this time will be the same. The doctors were kind enough not to make any changes such that I would likely not be out of it when the wedding came. Then again, my 2nd cycle went even better than my first, so maybe this time will be better still? I can only hope. When I next meet with my oncologist I'll have MRI results and will be able to make future plans (something most people probably take for granted) better than I can now (i.e. honeymoon trip plans, potential jobs, etc.) Perhaps I'll learn latin as I just used it twice in the same set of parentheses!

WALKING TO SOBEY'S UPDATE: Despite figuring out I can walk to Sobey's in literally 5 minutes I have not done so. This is largely because walking there would likely be done so with a reason in mind (such as "getting milk") which implies the walk back would have to happen with something in hand (such as that same jug of milk). I am lazy and thus have elected to drive there each subsequent time. I would like to walk to Home Depot tomorrow however (a walk of only 3 minutes) in order to buy a gift card, which would likely fit in my back pocket.

UPDATE UPDATE: Nothing has change since the above was written.

FUTURE UPDATES: Will likely not occur until after the wedding as the period between now and then will be "chaos" of a good sort. I hope that the next blog post will tell you all about how the wedding went and how Nicole and I are now husband & wife, and not explaining why she ran away. I finished my vows, which a select few will get to hear on the day of, which I broke down crying like a baby while writing. This may have occurred because every product I now use is "baby" related. From my Baby Shampoo, to my Baby Bodywash, to my Baby Vicks Vapor Rub, to my Baby Sunscreen. Still no diapers though (for I'm hoping at least the next 40+ years)!

Hope all is well with all of you out there in the blog reading world. Cheers eh?!
--
Tom

Cough

So I think I have a cold. Or the flu. I've never figured out which is which. Right now I'm coughing a lot and have stuffed sinuses. I've been told to drink plenty of liquids and get plenty of bed rest. Normally a cold/flu sucks. For me, it really sucks. You see most of my life if I got a cold/flu I'd just get as much NyQuil, NeoCitran, Buckley's, and cough candies into my body as possible to fix me up. I doubt they did anything but the placebo effect was amazing! Because of my cancer (and the many many medications I am on) I am to be treated like a pregnant lady and be cut off from all of these cold/flu remedies. Well, at least I still have my bed rest right? Well, not so fast. I've gone over before how my tumour puts me at an increased risk of blood clots. Usually these form in the legs, and are usually due to long periods of inactivity (see: "rest"). These clots can become dislodged and travel through the veins to the lungs (see: Pulmonary Embolism) which could kill me instantly. GOOD TIMES! Also I (on a good day) have the immune system of a child/senior/pregnant woman, hence why I likely have the cold/flu I do now. Unfortunately there are particular infections that form in the lungs which in people like me can be upwards of 50% fatal. Turns out people like me with a cold/flu are probably even beat out by the kids and seniors on the ol' battle of the immune systems.

So essentially I'm making myself a prisoner of my apartment. Leaving only to vote in any federal election that might happen to be taking place on any particular day. Or if the building is on fire. I'm sorry to miss out any any obligations I was set for over the next while. I'm truly hoping to feel better by this weekend's Andrew Dunn Walk/Run, though more importantly I don't want to be stuck at home on May 21, 2011. If I don't show up Nicole might just marry someone else. Why waste a perfectly good rented hall & reception venue? I don't think you get your money back if you cancel the day of. So I'm hoping to return to "health" soon, whatever state that was prior to this cold/flu. Nicole has stocked me up on overpriced herbal remedies and "natural foods", one of which tasted like dog food, or should I say what I  assume dog food would taste like had I ever actually eaten any. Thanks for looking after me love!

On the plus side, it's not every day I get to see Peter Mansbridge, Rex Murphy, AND Andrew Coyne, Allan Gregg and Chantal Hébert discussing politics for many hours on my beloved CBC :)