Friday, December 28, 2012
Time for a post
I know I know... it is time for me to write a new blog entry. This post is simply an acknowledgement of that fact. Rest assured one will be coming. I'd say by 2013, but I wouldn't want to get anyone's hopes up only for them to get let down. I mean dealing with that whole false [misunderstood] Mayan prophecy is one thing, but Tom promising a blog post and failing to deliver? Surely the world would end for a few of you out there at that point.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
...and it continues
To show you how "on top" of this blog thing I am, the below has been sitting as a draft since November 27th 2012. Yes folks, 2012 (a date most of you have still been writing this year out of sheer habit). Since then I've had several doctors visits and at least one seizure. I thus cannot verify the accuracy of what is written below, but I fear if I do not click "post" now the below will never make it to your eyes. After reading it myself, I will make the necessary updates in a future post (also to be done in 2013). Oh, and the results of my last MRI are in... Like a Horse's home it is STABLE!!!!! Now let's go back in time together to late November 2012...
9:40pm. See! I'm getting better at this! I promise both myself and Nicole that I will be in bed by 10:00pm tonight. Let the blogosphere be my witness!
9:41pm. Now Being in bed by 10pm will require me to do something I (along with most men on this planet I assume) have extreme difficulty doing... accurately judging my time. It will take me 5 minutes to brush my teeth / wash my face & take an additional 5 to get changed and actually make my way to my bed. This means I must stop blogging around 9:50pm.
9:43pm. 7 minutes. Wow! I need to start blogging earlier don't I? So where was I? Oh right... people who think it's "SO GREAT!" that I'm wrapping up my chemotherapy treatments soon.
#1) Why will this be happening you ask? Here is what I get from it all (which might or might not have any accuracy to it). My chemotherapy pills are some serious pills. If my chemo pills were a monster truck, they would be "Gravedigger". I meant to imply they are the biggest and baddest of all prescription medications. The fact I chose I truck whose name was inspired by the name for a person who literally digs holes in the ground for caskets containing dead bodies was unintentional and truly tasteless. But I wrote it, and I can't think of any way to change it now, can you? Anyways, what I was getting at was that they can do my body some serious damage. That is their point. They are designed to do my body some serious damage. The good news is they are designed to damage certain parts of my body faster than others... specifically the fastest growing cells in my body. Turns out tumour cells grow quicker than most so "BOOM!" they end up on the chemo medication's hit list. This is also why hair sometimes falls out during chemo treatment (it grows rather quickly as any person who pays a lot for hair cuts would surely know).
9:53pm. Damn! I mean "Darn!" (There could be kids reading... and again I'd change that first inappropriate word, but computers can only do so much. Text is like permanent ink, and I'd know. I'm in IT). "Shucks" "Bananas" "Crum bums" Ok, now I'm just getting silly. Nope, I'm just wasting time. 9:55pm. Going to bed fail. I must abandon ship and return to this blog entry tomorrow. I shall have to hit the "save as draft" button and admit poor judgement of time once again. I blame that "y chromosome". Off to brush my teeth and such. Goodnight!
...and we're back! And you thought time travel was impossible!? All it took was a drafts folder and my extreme procrastination!!! Glad I could help ;) Maybe next time I'll post the saved draft from my HoverCar(tm)!
9:40pm. See! I'm getting better at this! I promise both myself and Nicole that I will be in bed by 10:00pm tonight. Let the blogosphere be my witness!
9:41pm. Now Being in bed by 10pm will require me to do something I (along with most men on this planet I assume) have extreme difficulty doing... accurately judging my time. It will take me 5 minutes to brush my teeth / wash my face & take an additional 5 to get changed and actually make my way to my bed. This means I must stop blogging around 9:50pm.
9:43pm. 7 minutes. Wow! I need to start blogging earlier don't I? So where was I? Oh right... people who think it's "SO GREAT!" that I'm wrapping up my chemotherapy treatments soon.
#1) Why will this be happening you ask? Here is what I get from it all (which might or might not have any accuracy to it). My chemotherapy pills are some serious pills. If my chemo pills were a monster truck, they would be "Gravedigger". I meant to imply they are the biggest and baddest of all prescription medications. The fact I chose I truck whose name was inspired by the name for a person who literally digs holes in the ground for caskets containing dead bodies was unintentional and truly tasteless. But I wrote it, and I can't think of any way to change it now, can you? Anyways, what I was getting at was that they can do my body some serious damage. That is their point. They are designed to do my body some serious damage. The good news is they are designed to damage certain parts of my body faster than others... specifically the fastest growing cells in my body. Turns out tumour cells grow quicker than most so "BOOM!" they end up on the chemo medication's hit list. This is also why hair sometimes falls out during chemo treatment (it grows rather quickly as any person who pays a lot for hair cuts would surely know).
9:53pm. Damn! I mean "Darn!" (There could be kids reading... and again I'd change that first inappropriate word, but computers can only do so much. Text is like permanent ink, and I'd know. I'm in IT). "Shucks" "Bananas" "Crum bums" Ok, now I'm just getting silly. Nope, I'm just wasting time. 9:55pm. Going to bed fail. I must abandon ship and return to this blog entry tomorrow. I shall have to hit the "save as draft" button and admit poor judgement of time once again. I blame that "y chromosome". Off to brush my teeth and such. Goodnight!
...and we're back! And you thought time travel was impossible!? All it took was a drafts folder and my extreme procrastination!!! Glad I could help ;) Maybe next time I'll post the saved draft from my HoverCar(tm)!
Monday, November 26, 2012
Happy 2 years to ME!
11:00pm. I tend to get carried away when writing blogs, so I'm writing the time down for my own good to keep track of exactly how carried away I get. I made a deal (with myself obviously, as I find myself particularly easy to get along with) that I would try to be in bed by 10:00pm each night. Clearly I've already failed that (as I do most nights) so let's just keep 'er goin'!
11:03pm. As the title of this post would imply it is my two year anniversary! Of marriage? No, something much more painful than marriage. BRAIN SURGERY!!! See how I implied marriage was painful there? It is fun to do that. Also note that such an implication doesn't omit the possibility that marriage is truly awesome and I love my wife more than anything in the whole wide world? Very observant of you! To those of you in the background whispering "nice save", I can hear you and I don't appreciate it.
11:05pm. Yes indeed, two years since that day. November 26th, 2010. That was the date my skull was cut open and a portion of the inside of my head was cut out! I remember it like it was something I can't remember at all (which is probably a very good thing). I do remember being in a hospital bed for some time afterwards. I remember having to "relearn" using my own legs to walk (and finding that pesky "left arm" that was never where it should have been). NOTE: I don't recommend elective brain surgery, but to those of you spending hoards of your life savings on detrimental body-harming drugs like heroin or perhaps crystal meth... you can get a serious trip when parts of your body aren't where you think they are or should be... I'm just saying.
11:10pm. Then there was the whole "taking radiation and chemotherapy" thing. The radiation lasted a month or so, with only a partial loss of hair (though none of my underlying rugged good looks... see earlier posts for entertaining stories about when the "stuffing falling out of my own pillow" turned out to be my own hair! It sounds creepy because it was!!!). I've been going through subsequent rounds of chemotherapy on a near-monthly basis. Actually it is a 28 day cycle where I spend 5 days on chemo, and then 23 days off of it. For a long time I was on a drug called Accutane (read earlier posts about the joys of taking that drug) for the first 21 days of the cycle. This meant 5 days of feeling not-so-great (and 21 of feeling less than perfect) with 7 whole days to enjoy the benefits of not taking any medications!* *Other than the 5 or so I always took to: prevent possible seizures, reduce the swelling in my brain, reduce the stomach acid from taking so many pills. What I'm saying is that I now know how to count in milligrams :)
11:16pm. Sweet. I'm averaging less than 5 minutes per rambling paragraph. At this point I'll be in bed by midnight (having said nothing at all), or up until 5am next Tuesday (getting my main points across). So... 2 years!!! YAY!!! Ok, sort of. It all sounds impressive right? That's probably because at first I was given perhaps weeks to 3 months to live (worst case) or up to a year (best likely case). As those of you who know me best will know, in my first year of dealing with my unfriendly brain-residing cells, I managed to complete my 2nd University Degree (my Bachelor of Commerce [honours] double majoring in "Entrepreneurship / Small Business" and "Management of Organizations" the latter of which I received the "I .H. Asper School of Business Medal for Excellence" recognizing my achievement of having the highest standing of any student in my graduating class for that major. I'm not usually one to brag, but when someone cuts a whole in your brain, takes some material out, and sends you back on your way... getting a medal ain't so bad ;)
11:23pm. My wife has just told me it is time for bed. This is why I love her (but don't tell her that). She cares for me enough to look after me when I don't (which I never do). She is the reason I am still alive for multiple reasons (which you can again read about in prior posts). The reason she is telling me to get to bed is that if I don't, I will risk not getting enough sleep. Why? Because I am stubborn and will go to work tomorrow, even if I have not gotten enough sleep. I don't blame her for worrying. Me having a seizure worries her 1,000 times more than it worries me. This is because she is the one that has to deal with the after effects of my seizures (by taking care of me EVEN MORE than she does in a typical day). By continuing to type I'm being tremendously selfish and stubborn (two of my most prominent qualities as a husband).
11:27: Pushing my luck, I wanted to acknowledge my 2 year anniversary by stating my head has remained in one piece with most of its contents in tact (unfortunately including the remaining tumour cells). I have a rant to write about people telling me "You must be SO HAPPY to be off chemo soon!" (just a warning: I'm not, so don't say that to me). Cheers to you all eh?
11:29, and if I really hurry I can brush my teeth and be in bed by 11:43!!! Don't tell my dentist I'm going to forgo flossing tonight (as I have for the past 400+ some nights). Maybe tomorrow? I say that every night, so one night it will have to be true!
11:31pm. The end... for now... until I come back tomorrow to write more... which I always say I will do... but rarely end up doing... sorry ... life is keeping me busy... which is good.... so I shouldn't apologize... but I still am... wonder what my councilor would say about that... goodnight! :)
11:32pm. [sound of teeth being brushed]
11:33pm. Feeling of guilt for having not proofread the above. Feeling of fear knowing I have probably made multiple spelling errors. And possibly even grammatical ones!!! :()
11:03pm. As the title of this post would imply it is my two year anniversary! Of marriage? No, something much more painful than marriage. BRAIN SURGERY!!! See how I implied marriage was painful there? It is fun to do that. Also note that such an implication doesn't omit the possibility that marriage is truly awesome and I love my wife more than anything in the whole wide world? Very observant of you! To those of you in the background whispering "nice save", I can hear you and I don't appreciate it.
11:05pm. Yes indeed, two years since that day. November 26th, 2010. That was the date my skull was cut open and a portion of the inside of my head was cut out! I remember it like it was something I can't remember at all (which is probably a very good thing). I do remember being in a hospital bed for some time afterwards. I remember having to "relearn" using my own legs to walk (and finding that pesky "left arm" that was never where it should have been). NOTE: I don't recommend elective brain surgery, but to those of you spending hoards of your life savings on detrimental body-harming drugs like heroin or perhaps crystal meth... you can get a serious trip when parts of your body aren't where you think they are or should be... I'm just saying.
11:10pm. Then there was the whole "taking radiation and chemotherapy" thing. The radiation lasted a month or so, with only a partial loss of hair (though none of my underlying rugged good looks... see earlier posts for entertaining stories about when the "stuffing falling out of my own pillow" turned out to be my own hair! It sounds creepy because it was!!!). I've been going through subsequent rounds of chemotherapy on a near-monthly basis. Actually it is a 28 day cycle where I spend 5 days on chemo, and then 23 days off of it. For a long time I was on a drug called Accutane (read earlier posts about the joys of taking that drug) for the first 21 days of the cycle. This meant 5 days of feeling not-so-great (and 21 of feeling less than perfect) with 7 whole days to enjoy the benefits of not taking any medications!* *Other than the 5 or so I always took to: prevent possible seizures, reduce the swelling in my brain, reduce the stomach acid from taking so many pills. What I'm saying is that I now know how to count in milligrams :)
11:16pm. Sweet. I'm averaging less than 5 minutes per rambling paragraph. At this point I'll be in bed by midnight (having said nothing at all), or up until 5am next Tuesday (getting my main points across). So... 2 years!!! YAY!!! Ok, sort of. It all sounds impressive right? That's probably because at first I was given perhaps weeks to 3 months to live (worst case) or up to a year (best likely case). As those of you who know me best will know, in my first year of dealing with my unfriendly brain-residing cells, I managed to complete my 2nd University Degree (my Bachelor of Commerce [honours] double majoring in "Entrepreneurship / Small Business" and "Management of Organizations" the latter of which I received the "I .H. Asper School of Business Medal for Excellence" recognizing my achievement of having the highest standing of any student in my graduating class for that major. I'm not usually one to brag, but when someone cuts a whole in your brain, takes some material out, and sends you back on your way... getting a medal ain't so bad ;)
11:23pm. My wife has just told me it is time for bed. This is why I love her (but don't tell her that). She cares for me enough to look after me when I don't (which I never do). She is the reason I am still alive for multiple reasons (which you can again read about in prior posts). The reason she is telling me to get to bed is that if I don't, I will risk not getting enough sleep. Why? Because I am stubborn and will go to work tomorrow, even if I have not gotten enough sleep. I don't blame her for worrying. Me having a seizure worries her 1,000 times more than it worries me. This is because she is the one that has to deal with the after effects of my seizures (by taking care of me EVEN MORE than she does in a typical day). By continuing to type I'm being tremendously selfish and stubborn (two of my most prominent qualities as a husband).
11:27: Pushing my luck, I wanted to acknowledge my 2 year anniversary by stating my head has remained in one piece with most of its contents in tact (unfortunately including the remaining tumour cells). I have a rant to write about people telling me "You must be SO HAPPY to be off chemo soon!" (just a warning: I'm not, so don't say that to me). Cheers to you all eh?
11:29, and if I really hurry I can brush my teeth and be in bed by 11:43!!! Don't tell my dentist I'm going to forgo flossing tonight (as I have for the past 400+ some nights). Maybe tomorrow? I say that every night, so one night it will have to be true!
11:31pm. The end... for now... until I come back tomorrow to write more... which I always say I will do... but rarely end up doing... sorry ... life is keeping me busy... which is good.... so I shouldn't apologize... but I still am... wonder what my councilor would say about that... goodnight! :)
11:32pm. [sound of teeth being brushed]
11:33pm. Feeling of guilt for having not proofread the above. Feeling of fear knowing I have probably made multiple spelling errors. And possibly even grammatical ones!!! :()
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Happy After Wedding Day Jen & Randy!!!
Yesterday was a fantastic day! Nicole and I had the joy of taking part in the wedding of Jen & Randy Madsen (my sister-in-law, and new... official... "brother-in-law"). We were given the honour of being members of their wedding party, with Nicole the Matron of Honour, and myself a Groomsman. It was a nice reversal of the roles... given Jen was Nicole's Maid of Honour at our wedding, while Randy was one of my chosen groomsmen on that same day over a year ago.
Both Jen and Randy looked fantastic at their wedding which took place at Fort Gibraltar. The venue was unique, the atmosphere was fantastic, and good times were had by all. Jen looked absolutely stunning in her wedding dress (and constant smile) and I must say Randy did a splendid job of choosing the outfits for us groomsmen (I think I made that purple & grey vest look Damn good!). It was so much fun to spend the day talking to family we don't get to see as often as we might like. I had the honour of delivering a speech on behalf of "Momo" (or 'Morgan' as she is known while here in North America) Nic & Jen's cousin who is currently in Japan on an exchange program, returning in about a week from now. I was able to deliver a "Kampai" to the bride and groom, and must say Kampai to Morgan as well for teaching me my newest word :)
My wife Nicole looked stunning (as always) in her purple (surprise surprise... given it was Jen's wedding) bridesmaid's dress. I think both Nicole and I did a good job of looking great, without upstaging the couple of the night, who looked the best of anyone in the room by far ;)
Thank you Jen and Randy for having us both in your wedding party and making us such a special part of your special day! We both hope you have a great honeymoon in Vegas (how could you not?) and enjoy moving into your new home once you return. If you need help moving heavy boxes, I'm sure Nicole would love to help you out. I can even come too!... to shout words of encouragement at you all so that you do not lose motivation. I'm just kidding of course... I wouldn't be totally useless... I could hold a door or two open for you while there. Once again... Kampai! (CHEERS!!!)
--
Tom
Both Jen and Randy looked fantastic at their wedding which took place at Fort Gibraltar. The venue was unique, the atmosphere was fantastic, and good times were had by all. Jen looked absolutely stunning in her wedding dress (and constant smile) and I must say Randy did a splendid job of choosing the outfits for us groomsmen (I think I made that purple & grey vest look Damn good!). It was so much fun to spend the day talking to family we don't get to see as often as we might like. I had the honour of delivering a speech on behalf of "Momo" (or 'Morgan' as she is known while here in North America) Nic & Jen's cousin who is currently in Japan on an exchange program, returning in about a week from now. I was able to deliver a "Kampai" to the bride and groom, and must say Kampai to Morgan as well for teaching me my newest word :)
My wife Nicole looked stunning (as always) in her purple (surprise surprise... given it was Jen's wedding) bridesmaid's dress. I think both Nicole and I did a good job of looking great, without upstaging the couple of the night, who looked the best of anyone in the room by far ;)
Thank you Jen and Randy for having us both in your wedding party and making us such a special part of your special day! We both hope you have a great honeymoon in Vegas (how could you not?) and enjoy moving into your new home once you return. If you need help moving heavy boxes, I'm sure Nicole would love to help you out. I can even come too!... to shout words of encouragement at you all so that you do not lose motivation. I'm just kidding of course... I wouldn't be totally useless... I could hold a door or two open for you while there. Once again... Kampai! (CHEERS!!!)
--
Tom
Friday, October 19, 2012
And the rusults are...?
Got my MRI results earlier today. Thought I'd share them with you, given I said I would.
"There is no suggestion of progression" = good :)
Translation: It ain't getting bigger. = Sweet deal!!!
The report went on to state "The appearance of the remainder of the brain is unremarkable"
Not sure if I should be thankful or insulted on that last bit.
In the end, today was a good day. TGIF indeed. Cheers to ye all, and to all a goodnight!
--
Tom
"There is no suggestion of progression" = good :)
Translation: It ain't getting bigger. = Sweet deal!!!
The report went on to state "The appearance of the remainder of the brain is unremarkable"
Not sure if I should be thankful or insulted on that last bit.
In the end, today was a good day. TGIF indeed. Cheers to ye all, and to all a goodnight!
--
Tom
Thursday, October 18, 2012
TGIF? Maybe?
Hello readers!
Some of you might have heard that this week has been a rough one. I had a seizure on Monday the 15th while waiting for the bus. I had a sense I had a seizure coming on, and for some reason thought I could possibly "will myself" into not having one. I remember thinking "Maybe if I walk up the sidewalk and get some fresh air I won't have one" which is a ridiculous thought looking back on things, but in my defense having a seizure implies my brain isn't quite firing on all cylinders (or perhaps is firing on too many at once). My point is that I don't think too clearly when I'm having a seizure. I also tend to lack any memory of my seizures and/or any period in the short time after it has occurred. In this case I remember deciding that I could not "walk off" my upcoming seizure so I should get back home (to my apartment across the street from where I was standing). I couldn't tell you if there were cars coming or not, as I can't remember crossing the street. What I can tell you is that I remember people standing over me (only be the fact I heard their voices) one of which asked me if I had someone they could contact. I gave them my wife Nicole's phone number, as she was still at home back at the apartment. The next thing I knew there was a fire truck and paramedics (firemen) helping me into their truck. They took my stats (blood glucose levels, blood pressure, oxygen saturation levels, and after determining that my oxygen levels were low, set me up on an oxygen line, and called Nicole after I gave them her number as well. Nicole had the pleasant surprise of waking up to our landlord banging on our front door and a call from a paramedic saying that they had found me lying down on the median between the north & southbound lanes of St. Anne's. I had chosen to wear a brand new pair of leather shoes that particular day, which were significantly damaged on the front of the shoe. We figure I must have tripped on the cement portion of the median (as I can't judge distance or depth well when I'm having a seizure... go figure) which caused me to trip & fall onto the grass and possibly into a tree on the median. This is based upon the paramedics assumption I had run into the tree as well as the fact I have a slightly bruised forehead and received a few scratches to my nose. My glasses were a bit dirty, as well as was the left side of my jacket and backpack. After any seizure I've experienced I feel completely drained of energy and extremely tired. In this case (seizure plus potential face-plant into a tree or the ground) left my body feeling quite out-of-sorts. I'm still a bit sore from it all.
But my lovely wife, as always, took care of me. She brought me back home, got me into bed, and I enjoyed some much needed rest. Her Dad swung by our place later that day to check on us, and brought some medicine for me in the form of an order of a Teen Burger and some Onion Rings. Thanks Steve!
I still feel run down from the whole thing, but I'm feeling better now. I have to say the whole ordeal shook my confidence as I had been feeling pretty good after having gone since July 27th since my last seizure. If I can go at least ONE CONSECUTIVE YEAR without having one I can find myself back in the driver seat of a car, instead of being dependent upon my wonderful wife to drive me wherever the Winnipeg Transit System tends not to service. Unfortunately this seizure shook even my confidence in taking the bus to work, something I had previously took pride in. Being in my situation leaves me feeling dependent upon others for a lot of things. Anyone who has been without a license for any extended period of time can appreciate just how much of an inconvenience it truly is. I can't just up and go out for food or go shopping on my own. I have to either take the bus (if / when the schedules & routes permit it), or get Nicole to drive me. Taking the bus to work each morning made me feel independent. It made me feel good not only take a burden off of Nicole's shoulders, but also give me my own time & space. I could (and often did) listen to my nerdy podcasts each morning. I could sit among the rest of society leaving for work or school living their normal lives. Since Monday I have not taken the bus. I haven't had the guts to get back on for fear that I could have another seizure and be on my own with no one around to help me. Nicole was right to point out that we were lucky I had my seizure when I was still so close to home. I know it worries her at the best of times to have me out there without her to watch over me and ensure nothing bad happens to me. She worries too much and takes on too much responsibility for my safety. I wish she didn't, but I can see why she does. I'm sure if I were in her shoes I'd be doing the same things and feeling the same way. I'd just like to be able to say "No worries love! Nothing bad is going to happen to me today!" And be able to say it with the sort of absolute (perhaps naive) confidence I once did.
We go for my MRI results tomorrow afternoon (hence the title of this blog entry). I'm hoping it will be a Friday worth saying TGIF! I just want good results and then the weekend to relax and unwind with my wife. It is the same thing each and every time we have my "Friday after" (MRI results) visits. We stress and worry all the way up to the appointment. We will try to sleep tonight (I'll probably succeed better than Nicole will at this). We will wake up in the morning, probably feeling like we haven't slept at all. We will head to the HSC, park the car in the underground, head on over to get my bloodwork done (a process I'm all too familiar with), then wait forever just to get the bloodwork done. Next we'll head over to "Clinic 2" at CancerCare. There we'll sign-in and wait forever to be called in. There I will be weighed in, and we'll be sent to a room to sit and wait (forever) for the doctor to come see us. We'll likely see a nurse first. Then my oncologist will come in and give us the results. We'll try to judge the look on his face, the movements he makes, and interpret them as any sort of indication long before he utters his first words. Then he'll speak and our lives will change. Either we'll be cast from our current world of unknowing into the wonderful (but often short-lived) world of temporary relief, or the other world... that of fear, unknowing, and panic.
Regardless we'll be there together, as we always have been, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm still the luckiest guy I know. If I could change having a terminal illness in the form of a cancerous brain tumour... I would. If doing so meant changing any part of my life outside of that, and losing any of the people I have closest to me in my life (my wife being at the top of that list) I would not change a thing. My life is seriously awesome. Tomorrow might not be seriously awesome, but it might just be. I think I kicked ass during that MRI last week, so I can't see how the results could be anything less than awesome. That and I have all of you thinking about me and sending me your best wishes, thoughts and prayers. I will post before the day is done at least a brief post describing my update. Thanks & Cheers!
--
Tom
PS: I'm too tired to check this one over for spelling and/or grammar. It's all yours Luke!
Some of you might have heard that this week has been a rough one. I had a seizure on Monday the 15th while waiting for the bus. I had a sense I had a seizure coming on, and for some reason thought I could possibly "will myself" into not having one. I remember thinking "Maybe if I walk up the sidewalk and get some fresh air I won't have one" which is a ridiculous thought looking back on things, but in my defense having a seizure implies my brain isn't quite firing on all cylinders (or perhaps is firing on too many at once). My point is that I don't think too clearly when I'm having a seizure. I also tend to lack any memory of my seizures and/or any period in the short time after it has occurred. In this case I remember deciding that I could not "walk off" my upcoming seizure so I should get back home (to my apartment across the street from where I was standing). I couldn't tell you if there were cars coming or not, as I can't remember crossing the street. What I can tell you is that I remember people standing over me (only be the fact I heard their voices) one of which asked me if I had someone they could contact. I gave them my wife Nicole's phone number, as she was still at home back at the apartment. The next thing I knew there was a fire truck and paramedics (firemen) helping me into their truck. They took my stats (blood glucose levels, blood pressure, oxygen saturation levels, and after determining that my oxygen levels were low, set me up on an oxygen line, and called Nicole after I gave them her number as well. Nicole had the pleasant surprise of waking up to our landlord banging on our front door and a call from a paramedic saying that they had found me lying down on the median between the north & southbound lanes of St. Anne's. I had chosen to wear a brand new pair of leather shoes that particular day, which were significantly damaged on the front of the shoe. We figure I must have tripped on the cement portion of the median (as I can't judge distance or depth well when I'm having a seizure... go figure) which caused me to trip & fall onto the grass and possibly into a tree on the median. This is based upon the paramedics assumption I had run into the tree as well as the fact I have a slightly bruised forehead and received a few scratches to my nose. My glasses were a bit dirty, as well as was the left side of my jacket and backpack. After any seizure I've experienced I feel completely drained of energy and extremely tired. In this case (seizure plus potential face-plant into a tree or the ground) left my body feeling quite out-of-sorts. I'm still a bit sore from it all.
But my lovely wife, as always, took care of me. She brought me back home, got me into bed, and I enjoyed some much needed rest. Her Dad swung by our place later that day to check on us, and brought some medicine for me in the form of an order of a Teen Burger and some Onion Rings. Thanks Steve!
I still feel run down from the whole thing, but I'm feeling better now. I have to say the whole ordeal shook my confidence as I had been feeling pretty good after having gone since July 27th since my last seizure. If I can go at least ONE CONSECUTIVE YEAR without having one I can find myself back in the driver seat of a car, instead of being dependent upon my wonderful wife to drive me wherever the Winnipeg Transit System tends not to service. Unfortunately this seizure shook even my confidence in taking the bus to work, something I had previously took pride in. Being in my situation leaves me feeling dependent upon others for a lot of things. Anyone who has been without a license for any extended period of time can appreciate just how much of an inconvenience it truly is. I can't just up and go out for food or go shopping on my own. I have to either take the bus (if / when the schedules & routes permit it), or get Nicole to drive me. Taking the bus to work each morning made me feel independent. It made me feel good not only take a burden off of Nicole's shoulders, but also give me my own time & space. I could (and often did) listen to my nerdy podcasts each morning. I could sit among the rest of society leaving for work or school living their normal lives. Since Monday I have not taken the bus. I haven't had the guts to get back on for fear that I could have another seizure and be on my own with no one around to help me. Nicole was right to point out that we were lucky I had my seizure when I was still so close to home. I know it worries her at the best of times to have me out there without her to watch over me and ensure nothing bad happens to me. She worries too much and takes on too much responsibility for my safety. I wish she didn't, but I can see why she does. I'm sure if I were in her shoes I'd be doing the same things and feeling the same way. I'd just like to be able to say "No worries love! Nothing bad is going to happen to me today!" And be able to say it with the sort of absolute (perhaps naive) confidence I once did.
We go for my MRI results tomorrow afternoon (hence the title of this blog entry). I'm hoping it will be a Friday worth saying TGIF! I just want good results and then the weekend to relax and unwind with my wife. It is the same thing each and every time we have my "Friday after" (MRI results) visits. We stress and worry all the way up to the appointment. We will try to sleep tonight (I'll probably succeed better than Nicole will at this). We will wake up in the morning, probably feeling like we haven't slept at all. We will head to the HSC, park the car in the underground, head on over to get my bloodwork done (a process I'm all too familiar with), then wait forever just to get the bloodwork done. Next we'll head over to "Clinic 2" at CancerCare. There we'll sign-in and wait forever to be called in. There I will be weighed in, and we'll be sent to a room to sit and wait (forever) for the doctor to come see us. We'll likely see a nurse first. Then my oncologist will come in and give us the results. We'll try to judge the look on his face, the movements he makes, and interpret them as any sort of indication long before he utters his first words. Then he'll speak and our lives will change. Either we'll be cast from our current world of unknowing into the wonderful (but often short-lived) world of temporary relief, or the other world... that of fear, unknowing, and panic.
Regardless we'll be there together, as we always have been, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm still the luckiest guy I know. If I could change having a terminal illness in the form of a cancerous brain tumour... I would. If doing so meant changing any part of my life outside of that, and losing any of the people I have closest to me in my life (my wife being at the top of that list) I would not change a thing. My life is seriously awesome. Tomorrow might not be seriously awesome, but it might just be. I think I kicked ass during that MRI last week, so I can't see how the results could be anything less than awesome. That and I have all of you thinking about me and sending me your best wishes, thoughts and prayers. I will post before the day is done at least a brief post describing my update. Thanks & Cheers!
--
Tom
PS: I'm too tired to check this one over for spelling and/or grammar. It's all yours Luke!
Monday, October 8, 2012
Thanks eh?
Of all people, I should think I have the most to be thankful for. Okay, at least more than most people. It isn't hard to guess what falls at the top of my list...
I am still alive!
Now that's pretty cool. Especially given I was told I'd have 3 months to 1 year to live... almost 2 years ago. Things are still as unsure as they were at the beginning of my journey, but for one key difference. How I view life and all contained within it has changed dramatically. Getting a terminal can do that to a guy. I am thankful for the friends I have. Though I may have fewer friends than I did prior to my diagnosis, the friendships I do have are so much more meaningful than any I had prior. I am thankful for the amazing amount of support I experience on a daily basis. I cannot explain fully just how much support I have. It comes from all sides. It comes from those members of my family who have stayed close to me throughout this process, it comes from those friends who have stuck around from the day of my surgery to this very day, and it comes above all else from my wife, who I might have mentioned before. Nicole O'Leary-Sontag is the best thing to have happened to me without a doubt. I could not manage my daily life without her, of that I am sure. We go through the good times and the bad together. As you might imagine, the bad times can be overwhelmingly bad, and occur just a little more often in our lives than either of us might like. This being said, she always finds a way to keep me going, to keep me positive, and keep me fighting. What I do, I do for many people and many reasons, but without a doubt I do it for her above all else.
Those of you closest to me probably know I am very upfront and unafraid to discuss my cancer. I'm sure some people would find it odd that I am so direct about such a sensitive topic. I am because I have to be. It is my life and I deal with it every day. If I were afraid to approach to topic with others it would mean I was afraid of my every moment of every day. I am thankful that my wife not only understands this, but is right on board with me... going along with my dark inappropriate jokes, and throwing others right back at me. If we didn't find those moments to laugh together it would be a sad life for us both for sure.
I am thankful for friends that understand my situation and have no problems going right along with it. Having friends that aren't afraid to ask me questions because they don't want to upset me. What upsets me is people who I can see purposely keep their distance from me because of their lack of comfort with the situation.
I am thankful that I have little health concerns (other than the whole "brain tumour" thing) going on right now. I still don't have headaches, haven't had a seizure since late July [sound of wood being knocked on], and experience no pain other than the daily injections I must give myself (and bi-weekly CancerCare blood exams). For a guy who has such a bleak health outlook, I feel pretty damn good almost each and every day! I find that being so 'healthy' in appearance gives people the false impression that I am ultimately "fine" and that "I will beat this thing". This is ultimately my plan, however the reality is that without advances in medication I will not likely live more than a few years. I will be ending my two-year chemotherapy treatment in December. After that it will be up to my will power, diet, and the hopes, prayers, and wishes of others to keep my tumour from growing. There are many options beyond this. If my tumour starts to grow back after being taken off the chemo, I could be put back on (with the hopes it works), another surgery could be performed (if it is growing back in only one place), or of course some combination thereof. If it starts to grow back in multiple places... I will need a lot more of your thoughts & prayers.
Speaking of which, I am more than thankful for the thoughts, wishes, prayers, and words of support I've received from so many people. Some close family members, some close friends, some distant friends & family, and some complete strangers. I can't thank any of you enough, and can only point to the fact I'm here writing this blog as proof you must be doing me some good ;)
I wish typed up words could convey the amount it truly touches me how much some of you have been affected by my situation. I could never have dreamed that I'd have received as much support as I have. I should say that Nicole & I have received, as both of us have been the recipients of so much (very much needed) love and support over the past 22+ months.
I am thankful for my in-laws who would be my family even if there were no laws stipulating such. You guys have meant so much to both Nicole and I and I can say with absolutely certainty that we would not have been able to make it this far without you.
I am thankful for my medical team who I would claim to be the best medical team there is. From my oncologist to my head nurse to my pharmacist to my social worker & the entire CancerCare team. You might think I dread going in to CancerCare for my frequent visits & appointments, but with those people there to help us through everything, things aren't as bad as they might otherwise be.
I am also thankful that none of the crazy Winnipeg drivers have taken my life prematurely (though try they certainly have), which leads me to thank my amazing wife once again, who has managed to keep both of us out of the ER from the many people who have tried (for some reason) to take our lives via vehicular manslaughter.
I'm thankful for my wife Nicole for making me hot chocolate... from scratch... without any sugar or unnatural ingredients just so that I could avoid missing out on one more thing. While I'm at it I thank my wife for making amazing dinners to make up for my severe cooking ability deficiency (it must come about as a side effect of one of the meds).
I thank Nicole for putting up with the fact I am a man who can be stubborn, lacking the ability to multitask or listen, all ON TOP of dealing with the whole cancer thing.
I thank you all for reading my endless rant, and Google for creating the means by which I can post my thoughts online for you all to read. I thank Samsung for creating the monitor which has allowed me to see what I have typed what I was thinking on this HP keyboard (who I thank for making said keyboard... despite the fact they seriously made the left shift key too small). I thank Al Gore for inventing the Internet to begin with, and I guess gravity for keeping everything pinned conveniently down to this computer desk (thanks Steve for letting me use your computer eh?).
THANK YOU ALL FOR EVERYTHING (is I think what I was trying to say). I must now go off to eat Thanksgiving dinner #2 prepared by Steve & Pat (who I thank for making and inviting us over for). I must not forget to thank my Aunt & Grandma who prepared and served Thanksgiving dinner #1 (which means I must thank my Uncle for providing the house in which it was served, and thus the Queen, who somehow made it all possible?). CHEERS!!!
--
Tom
I am still alive!
Now that's pretty cool. Especially given I was told I'd have 3 months to 1 year to live... almost 2 years ago. Things are still as unsure as they were at the beginning of my journey, but for one key difference. How I view life and all contained within it has changed dramatically. Getting a terminal can do that to a guy. I am thankful for the friends I have. Though I may have fewer friends than I did prior to my diagnosis, the friendships I do have are so much more meaningful than any I had prior. I am thankful for the amazing amount of support I experience on a daily basis. I cannot explain fully just how much support I have. It comes from all sides. It comes from those members of my family who have stayed close to me throughout this process, it comes from those friends who have stuck around from the day of my surgery to this very day, and it comes above all else from my wife, who I might have mentioned before. Nicole O'Leary-Sontag is the best thing to have happened to me without a doubt. I could not manage my daily life without her, of that I am sure. We go through the good times and the bad together. As you might imagine, the bad times can be overwhelmingly bad, and occur just a little more often in our lives than either of us might like. This being said, she always finds a way to keep me going, to keep me positive, and keep me fighting. What I do, I do for many people and many reasons, but without a doubt I do it for her above all else.
Those of you closest to me probably know I am very upfront and unafraid to discuss my cancer. I'm sure some people would find it odd that I am so direct about such a sensitive topic. I am because I have to be. It is my life and I deal with it every day. If I were afraid to approach to topic with others it would mean I was afraid of my every moment of every day. I am thankful that my wife not only understands this, but is right on board with me... going along with my dark inappropriate jokes, and throwing others right back at me. If we didn't find those moments to laugh together it would be a sad life for us both for sure.
I am thankful for friends that understand my situation and have no problems going right along with it. Having friends that aren't afraid to ask me questions because they don't want to upset me. What upsets me is people who I can see purposely keep their distance from me because of their lack of comfort with the situation.
I am thankful that I have little health concerns (other than the whole "brain tumour" thing) going on right now. I still don't have headaches, haven't had a seizure since late July [sound of wood being knocked on], and experience no pain other than the daily injections I must give myself (and bi-weekly CancerCare blood exams). For a guy who has such a bleak health outlook, I feel pretty damn good almost each and every day! I find that being so 'healthy' in appearance gives people the false impression that I am ultimately "fine" and that "I will beat this thing". This is ultimately my plan, however the reality is that without advances in medication I will not likely live more than a few years. I will be ending my two-year chemotherapy treatment in December. After that it will be up to my will power, diet, and the hopes, prayers, and wishes of others to keep my tumour from growing. There are many options beyond this. If my tumour starts to grow back after being taken off the chemo, I could be put back on (with the hopes it works), another surgery could be performed (if it is growing back in only one place), or of course some combination thereof. If it starts to grow back in multiple places... I will need a lot more of your thoughts & prayers.
Speaking of which, I am more than thankful for the thoughts, wishes, prayers, and words of support I've received from so many people. Some close family members, some close friends, some distant friends & family, and some complete strangers. I can't thank any of you enough, and can only point to the fact I'm here writing this blog as proof you must be doing me some good ;)
I wish typed up words could convey the amount it truly touches me how much some of you have been affected by my situation. I could never have dreamed that I'd have received as much support as I have. I should say that Nicole & I have received, as both of us have been the recipients of so much (very much needed) love and support over the past 22+ months.
I am thankful for my in-laws who would be my family even if there were no laws stipulating such. You guys have meant so much to both Nicole and I and I can say with absolutely certainty that we would not have been able to make it this far without you.
I am thankful for my medical team who I would claim to be the best medical team there is. From my oncologist to my head nurse to my pharmacist to my social worker & the entire CancerCare team. You might think I dread going in to CancerCare for my frequent visits & appointments, but with those people there to help us through everything, things aren't as bad as they might otherwise be.
I am also thankful that none of the crazy Winnipeg drivers have taken my life prematurely (though try they certainly have), which leads me to thank my amazing wife once again, who has managed to keep both of us out of the ER from the many people who have tried (for some reason) to take our lives via vehicular manslaughter.
I'm thankful for my wife Nicole for making me hot chocolate... from scratch... without any sugar or unnatural ingredients just so that I could avoid missing out on one more thing. While I'm at it I thank my wife for making amazing dinners to make up for my severe cooking ability deficiency (it must come about as a side effect of one of the meds).
I thank Nicole for putting up with the fact I am a man who can be stubborn, lacking the ability to multitask or listen, all ON TOP of dealing with the whole cancer thing.
I thank you all for reading my endless rant, and Google for creating the means by which I can post my thoughts online for you all to read. I thank Samsung for creating the monitor which has allowed me to see what I have typed what I was thinking on this HP keyboard (who I thank for making said keyboard... despite the fact they seriously made the left shift key too small). I thank Al Gore for inventing the Internet to begin with, and I guess gravity for keeping everything pinned conveniently down to this computer desk (thanks Steve for letting me use your computer eh?).
THANK YOU ALL FOR EVERYTHING (is I think what I was trying to say). I must now go off to eat Thanksgiving dinner #2 prepared by Steve & Pat (who I thank for making and inviting us over for). I must not forget to thank my Aunt & Grandma who prepared and served Thanksgiving dinner #1 (which means I must thank my Uncle for providing the house in which it was served, and thus the Queen, who somehow made it all possible?). CHEERS!!!
--
Tom
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