And the results are...?

Not so good. Alas, I'd love to put a tremendously positive spin on the results I got from my last MRI, but I can only do that to a certain extent. At the age of 27, I am no longer a child, yet I'm still growing... specifically in part of my brain. This is not good. The tumour has progressed despite being on my monthly cycle of chemo and other meds. The updated plan is that I shall go one more month as is and then go for yet another MRI to see what (if any) changes have occurred. I shall not panic yet as there is a condition known as Pseudo-Progression which I shall paste a definition of below (source: http://www.theibta.org/PseudoProgression.pdf)

The current standard of care for newly diagnosed glioblastoma multiforme (GBM) brain tumours is surgical resection followed by radiotherapy (RT) plus concomitant and adjuvant temozolomide chemotherapy (TMZ), commonly referred to as the “Stupp protocol”.

Studies have suggested that possibly half of all patients with malignant gliomas who have undergone chemoradiotherapy may show signs of early disease progression in their first post-treatment MRI scan, and that a significant proportion of these cases may be pseudo-progression. This phenomenon has been attributed to a transient chemoradiotherapy-induced treatment effect referred to in the literature as “pseudo-progression”.

The question of pseudo-progression and how long to administer adjuvant temozolomide is the subject of on-going study within the neuro-oncology community but we believe it is necessary to alert oncologists and patients to the issues involved. We would be very disappointed if any brain tumour patient’s chance of extended survival was compromised by premature withdrawal from adjuvant temozolomide therapy without consideration of all the relevant factors.

As I understand my situation, there are a couple of scenarios. Scenario "A" is that the chemo meds are not working and I'm screwed (sort of). Scenario "B" is that the chemo meds are working and reacting with the tumour causing it to grow larger. If I'm stuck in scenario "A", the best thing to do would be to take me off the chemo meds that aren't working and to try something else. If I'm in scenario "B" the best thing would be to keep me on the current chemo meds as they'll be better for me in the long run. The doctors have no way of knowing which scenario I'm in. What they can do is wait another month, take another MRI, and if the tumour is larger still it is likely just regular progression (that's bad). If after 4 weeks there has been little to no change, then it is more likely to be pseudo-progression (that's good). So the doctors are saying, better to risk leaving you on meds that aren't working for another month (shortening my lifespan if scenario "A" is true) and get a better idea of what is going on in my head than to prematurely take me off those meds and switch me to alternative meds that would likely not be as effective (if scenario "B" is true), thus shortening my lifespan even more.

It's all a bit much to take in for me. I'd have preferred simple good news than the above, though there truly is no "good news". The best I can receive is "less crappy news" or "relatively better than some of the other possibilities news". I might leave the office with a sigh of relief, but shall never exit Cancercare with a fist pump.

Forever the optimist I cannot give up on that now. I must get through the next painful (emotionally) 4 weeks only to wait a further few days for results that could either be a great relief, or greatly devastating. I still am experiencing no physical pain or problems of any sort. I have no headaches, no nausea, and no extreme exhaustion. I am still able to enjoy my days with Nicole as we experience our newlywed lives together.

I have promised Nicole I will be there to love her and support her forever, and that is still what I plan to do. The hardest thing I face is the realization I might not be able to keep that promise. Nicole has been right to point out to me that I sometimes give too rosy a picture of what we are both going through, leaving others to assume that perhaps it is not so bad (or at least as bad as it is). In truth this is incredibly difficult, and incredibly painful (again emotionally) for both Nicole and I. After we received the last results we did, I can speak for myself in saying it was all I could do from completely melting down before leaving the hospital and arriving back at home. When I got there I did so, and Nicole was there to cry with me for several hours before I fell asleep from wearing myself out. Today again (2 days after receiving the news) I still am experiencing periods where I break down for a while, with Nicole there to try to help me through it. She doesn't have it any easier than I do, and as I've said before I truly believe this is harder on her than it is on me. I am still loving life and doing everything I can to get the most out of it, but it seems that even those best of days have a dark cloud hanging over them. I have lately been experiencing emotions in line with what Nicole has been feeling since the very start. Emotions have ranged from extreme anger at how unfair this situation is, to feelings of helplessness and general sadness. I try to hold on to the optimism as much and as strongly as I can, but it isn't as easy as I'd like. Life has become a hurdle race, with each day reminding myself that I must simply get to the next one. First of all it was getting to the anniversary of Nicole and I (and the day I would propose to my current wife). Then it was getting to the end of the school year and graduating. Then it became getting to the wedding. Now, I'm focusing on early July when I shall go for my next scan (date TBA), and receiving the subsequent results. I won't let myself start to play the games of "what if" before I get there. What I'm going to do is assume this is a case of pseudo-progression and just get the most joy I can out of each day that I spend with my lovely, kind, and beyond supportive wife. I could not be writing any of this blog if it were not for the freshly named Nicole O'Leary-Sontag who deserves more thanks than I could ever give or express to her.

Rest assured I shall still post completely off-the-wall status updates on Facebook on a regular basis, and will update all of you on how things go. I must admit however that I am much quicker to get on the updates when the news is good. So as I started: "And the results are...?" inconclusive as of now. Me and the tumour are going into overtime which will last 4 weeks (a little longer than Game 2 of the playoffs the other night) and we'll go from there. Thanks to everyone for their support & of course, Cheers!
--
Tom

Mr. (Married) Thomas's first blog post

Hello all of you bored people. You must be bored or else you would not be wasting time reading the aimless wanderings of a dangerously odd mind. Fair warning, I plan to wander. So, how is the married life you ask? Well you didn't ask, but I knew that secretly you wanted to. It is awesome. It is kind of like being single, but without the loneliness, hopelessness, and inability to feed or dress yourself. Marriage brings you the sort of legal security that true love never could. Just kidding (Nicole... it's too soon for divorce right?). I get to wear this cool ring (jewellery for men that doesn't make you look strange... like a Superbowl ring or something like that). I get to call Nicole my wife, as she gets to call me her husband, which she does... endlessly so that she can get used to it. I could try and be all tough guy here, but I'm so much of a man that I don't have to. I love Nicole with all of my heart and I couldn't be happier to be married to her. I'm still running off of the emotional high that the wedding brought to me. It's not a huge change for either of us, as we both knew we'd spend the rest of our lives together anyways, this just made it official. Somehow though, it is still fantastic. Ok, enough of the emotional stuff (that stuff is for chicks anyways right?)

Since Nicole and I have been married I've mostly sat on the couch watching sports games while downing the beers. As the husband I get to "inform" Nicole when the beers have not been chilled quite enough, or that she hasn't been monitoring the can quantity closely enough so as to replace an empty can with a full one as soon as it hits the coaster. (I know... coasters? It's something you do in the whole marriage thing. "Give and take" or something rather). She's learning, but there is still some work to do. My feet go surprisingly un-rubbed during the course of most evenings. Sigh...

Ok, for real? Life is great. We watch our nightly South Park episode before she injects me with the Dalteparin (Fragmin) I so desperately crave. I really should sign up for an "AA" meeting one of these days, though there doesn't seem to be a demand for "Anti-coagulateds Anonymous". Go figure.

I've learned some lessons I'd like to pass along to perspective husbands out there.

#1) Just because you take your ring off, does not mean you are no longer married.
#2) Marriage does not imply a clean slate. She can still bring up things you did pre-marriage to use against you.
#3) There are few financial benefits to marriage. Seniors and students get all the breaks while "Happily Married Couples Day" remains somehow absent from the marketing landscape.
#4) Writing letters to people becomes difficult as a couple. Do I sign it from the both of us? Should I stick with the pronoun "we" throughout? Stick in a few "I"s? This one is tricky.
#5) The bar has been raised, even if you didn't know it. Is it raining outside? You'd better go around to open her door for her, if not drive up to the front of the store to pick her up! Simply hitting the unlock button for her worked as her BF, but this stuff is serious now.
#6) You now have a whole new family. While there are 8,000 benefits to this, you must now remember a list of names (which you must match to faces... distant relatives count too) and birthdays. You should probably buy a notepad or address book. Or do as I do and rely on your wife to remind you of everything.
#7) Actually, that's about it. Perhaps I should move on to the advantages...

I thought about leaving the blog post empty after this point, but that would just be mean, and as a husband you cannot be mean - ever.

Men specific:

#1) You don't have to change anything. Not your name, not your "Mr" prefix, not your signature, not even your level of hygiene (in fact you can probably let this one slip a little).
#2) You get to use derogative words/phrases to describe your wife, so long as they are "in jest" (NOTE: she must realize the joking nature of your comments. I suggest working on your tone of voice). Try these: "Well I'd better check with the ol' ball 'n chain!" or "Look at you just lying there on the couch ya ol' hag!" Ok, that last one is a stretch at best. Work on some and let me know what you come up with.
#3) You'll never look badly dressed in public again! She won't let you! Why? Because if you look embarrassing it not only affects how people think of you, it debases others opinions of her.
#4) You'll learn new concepts such as "Your fridge is not a carbon freezing chamber, and that meatloaf is not Han Solo... it won't last in there forever" and "The five second rule is a myth." These will greatly increase your life expectancy.

I'm sure there are many more, but these are the ones that come to mind first and foremost. Back to seriousness (sorry all)... Nicole you are the best wife a guy could ever ask for and I'm so happy to be married to you. To celebrate our new lives together, we should go on a date! Tim Horton's and a movie? Maybe a cinnamon muffin from Tim's? They say we should try our best to keep the spice in our relationship. (PS: Thanks for putting up with my seemingly endless bad puns love!)

I've thanked a bajillion people a bajillion times for all the wedding related things (including the wedding), but it bares repeating "THANKS!" to all of you. You know who you are (thankfully, as it would take me a long time to list all of your names here).

On to life! Not that marriage isn't part of life. Oh no, I seem to be digging myself a hole. The expression "Dig Up Stupid" comes to mind. On to non-marriage related life! *phew* I went for an MRI today. It went well. I didn't move much and got to hear a lot of loud noises! It's hard to screw up an MRI, unless you sneeze. I must admit some sarcasm to my previous statement, as I love to point out that most people say to me "Good luck on your MRI!" They mean the best, and I know what they are saying, however it is fun to reply "Thanks! The MRI is the easy part, it's the results I'm worried about." So I'll let everyone know those results when I get them. Probably a few weeks away, though with any luck I'll know sooner.  Today was my last day of Accutane, so my face should flake off significantly less tomorrow! I start my next round/cycle of meds next Wednesday, hence I will feel not so great Wednesday June 8th through to around the 14th or so. Hopefully it won't be so bad this time 'round. I actually find that the few days following my 5-day chemo run are worse than the 5 days I am taking the chemo, as the chemo remains in my system, but I am no longer taking the anti-nausea pills that help me feel better. C'est la vie. As long as these things keep my tumour from growing faster I'm a fan of them.

School. So I finished eh? Think I told you that before. Graduated with my Bachelor of Commerce (Honours) from the UofM and have my convocation tomorrow afternoon. I don't like to brag, but I was proud of myself for a letter I received last week. It stated that I would be receiving a medal in recognition of my having the "highest standing" of anyone taking the "Management of Organizations" major within the faculty. I'm only 5'8", so I'm not sure they calculated that one correctly, but I'm going to keep my mouth shut and take the medal anyways. It's not a medal in honesty or morality after all.

Miscellaneous. So life keeps going eh? Damnedest thing. I keep waiting for it to slow down so I can relax and enjoy it, but it never does! I have my list of "to do"s which seems to grow more each day than it shrinks. Never got those pants returned to Costco today, or my maps delivered to my Mom, or my Grandma's food containers back to her, or bought that balloon from Party Stuff, or delivered the gift to Tina, or got my car battery plugged back in or the car itself cleaned out, or got my remaining stuff from my Mom's basement cleaned up and packed away, or called the mechanic (affectionately known as "Dave") about bringing the car in, or edited the wedding videos for burning to a disc, or organized my iPhoto library by date, or completed the tenant add form for Nicole, or submitted my June's rent, or gotten that Blue Cross form to Dr. Schroeder, or deposited my latest cheque into the bank, or did any laundry, or went to TipTop to get my credit, or cleaned any part of the apartment/flat, or took out the recycling... but I did write a new blog post, so that's something right? Tomorrow I'll get everything done. I'm sure. I mean how could I not complete my entire list?

Well, I've made my wife wait long enough. Time for South Park! Cheers all!
--
Tom

PS: If all goes well with the MRI results, me and the misses plan to take an actual honeymoon somewhere far away from my "to do" list. I look forward to it :)

New Blog Post!!!

Are you serious? I don't have time for a new blog post people! I'm getting married in less than 4 days!!!
--
Tom

PS: Cheers!

Happy Tuesday!!!

Hello everyone!

So I have some bad news. I have a cold sore. Other than that things are looking pretty damn good!

SCHOOL UPDATE: I'm still done. I keep expecting an assignment to be sent to my UofM email account but so far there have been none! On the 1st of June I get to wear a gown (probably not as fancy as Kate's... or Nicole's for that matter) and get my "Piece of Paper" that says I graduated! I plan to frame it and put it on my wall. Seems fair. 9 years of endless toil for two pieces of paper in frames on a wall? So worth it.

LIFE UPDATE: I'm getting married in a few days (11 or so) to this lovely/wonderful/hot/brilliant/caring/kind/funny girl named Nicole. Her name will even change to reflect this event. Goodbye Nicole O'Leary, hello Nicole O'Leary-Sontag! We're modern people hence the hyphen. We both agreed it should be done to make the signing of all future cheques more difficult for her. That and her family is too freakin' awesome to let that name fall by the wayside. It's not Nicole's fault she was born a female in to a generally sexist society in which her gender usually loses out. Plus if she was born a male the whole me getting married to her would very much be in question (The wedding of Nic & Tom would become the wedding of Nick & Tom... not cool). Turns out weddings involve many many little details that have to be worked out, and working them out is a tad bit stressful. I'm still trying to learn how to dance in the less than two weeks I have left.

MEDICAL UPDATE: I'm still alive! Pretty cool eh? I have my next MRI on the 31st of May, so until then I know very little. I start my 3rd "cycle" of post-radiation therapy tomorrow. It is the exact same dosages as the 2nd cycle, which I had no problems with, so I'm hoping this time will be the same. The doctors were kind enough not to make any changes such that I would likely not be out of it when the wedding came. Then again, my 2nd cycle went even better than my first, so maybe this time will be better still? I can only hope. When I next meet with my oncologist I'll have MRI results and will be able to make future plans (something most people probably take for granted) better than I can now (i.e. honeymoon trip plans, potential jobs, etc.) Perhaps I'll learn latin as I just used it twice in the same set of parentheses!

WALKING TO SOBEY'S UPDATE: Despite figuring out I can walk to Sobey's in literally 5 minutes I have not done so. This is largely because walking there would likely be done so with a reason in mind (such as "getting milk") which implies the walk back would have to happen with something in hand (such as that same jug of milk). I am lazy and thus have elected to drive there each subsequent time. I would like to walk to Home Depot tomorrow however (a walk of only 3 minutes) in order to buy a gift card, which would likely fit in my back pocket.

UPDATE UPDATE: Nothing has change since the above was written.

FUTURE UPDATES: Will likely not occur until after the wedding as the period between now and then will be "chaos" of a good sort. I hope that the next blog post will tell you all about how the wedding went and how Nicole and I are now husband & wife, and not explaining why she ran away. I finished my vows, which a select few will get to hear on the day of, which I broke down crying like a baby while writing. This may have occurred because every product I now use is "baby" related. From my Baby Shampoo, to my Baby Bodywash, to my Baby Vicks Vapor Rub, to my Baby Sunscreen. Still no diapers though (for I'm hoping at least the next 40+ years)!

Hope all is well with all of you out there in the blog reading world. Cheers eh?!
--
Tom

Cough

So I think I have a cold. Or the flu. I've never figured out which is which. Right now I'm coughing a lot and have stuffed sinuses. I've been told to drink plenty of liquids and get plenty of bed rest. Normally a cold/flu sucks. For me, it really sucks. You see most of my life if I got a cold/flu I'd just get as much NyQuil, NeoCitran, Buckley's, and cough candies into my body as possible to fix me up. I doubt they did anything but the placebo effect was amazing! Because of my cancer (and the many many medications I am on) I am to be treated like a pregnant lady and be cut off from all of these cold/flu remedies. Well, at least I still have my bed rest right? Well, not so fast. I've gone over before how my tumour puts me at an increased risk of blood clots. Usually these form in the legs, and are usually due to long periods of inactivity (see: "rest"). These clots can become dislodged and travel through the veins to the lungs (see: Pulmonary Embolism) which could kill me instantly. GOOD TIMES! Also I (on a good day) have the immune system of a child/senior/pregnant woman, hence why I likely have the cold/flu I do now. Unfortunately there are particular infections that form in the lungs which in people like me can be upwards of 50% fatal. Turns out people like me with a cold/flu are probably even beat out by the kids and seniors on the ol' battle of the immune systems.

So essentially I'm making myself a prisoner of my apartment. Leaving only to vote in any federal election that might happen to be taking place on any particular day. Or if the building is on fire. I'm sorry to miss out any any obligations I was set for over the next while. I'm truly hoping to feel better by this weekend's Andrew Dunn Walk/Run, though more importantly I don't want to be stuck at home on May 21, 2011. If I don't show up Nicole might just marry someone else. Why waste a perfectly good rented hall & reception venue? I don't think you get your money back if you cancel the day of. So I'm hoping to return to "health" soon, whatever state that was prior to this cold/flu. Nicole has stocked me up on overpriced herbal remedies and "natural foods", one of which tasted like dog food, or should I say what I  assume dog food would taste like had I ever actually eaten any. Thanks for looking after me love!

On the plus side, it's not every day I get to see Peter Mansbridge, Rex Murphy, AND Andrew Coyne, Allan Gregg and Chantal Hébert discussing politics for many hours on my beloved CBC :)

Finishing University (and what it means to me)

So I finally did it. After just shy of a decade at the UofM I have finished what I started in September of 2002. I have (pending my previous term's grades) completed my Bachelor of Commerce (Honours). Now that I'm done it feels both freeing (I can go for naps without having to feel guilty about not reading a book or writing an essay!), and scary as I'm not sure quite what comes next for me, especially given my medical situation. With my current freedom and inherent need to be writing essays, I thought I'd combine the two to write about my university adventures.

When I had to choose a university/college to attend after high school, I had two motivating factors that lead me to choose the UofM over either the UofW or RRC. #1) Most of my closest friends at that time had chosen the UofM and I was deathly afraid of going to a school where I didn't know anyone. #2) Two of my cousins (Stuart & Wellington) had previously attended the UofM. This was important to me as I looked up to both of them quite a bit (which I'll get into more in a bit). Having decided on the UofM it was then time to choose what area of study I wanted to go into. This was easy for me: Business! Obviously. First of all, my cousin Wellington had received his Bachelor of Commerce years before me, and my cousin Stuart, though he had gone the route of a Bachelor of Arts with a major in Economics had take many business courses along the way.

The three people I looked up to the most growing up were my two cousins mentioned above (Stuart & Wellington) and their father, my Uncle Phill (who I've never know how to spell his name - one "L" vs two, but the last time I asked his wife Linda she told me it was two, so I'll go with her word vs.'s Microsofts Word - and their red squiggly lines). Each of them served as a roll model to me in their own unique way. My Uncle Phill was like the Dad I wish I had. I used to think it was amazing I liked all of the things he liked, but now I can see in looking back I only liked such things because he liked them. This list includes: Guinness beer, Dr. Who, Formula One Racing, and Ferrari. I always thought I had little in common with my own Dad. I loved computers - he couldn't use one (and thought C:\My Documents was an internet address). He loved playing musical instruments (he had a guitar, banjo, mandolin, and steel guitar) - I couldn't play any (and had no desire to learn).

SIDE NOTE: I remember one day my Dad had a heartfelt speech with my brother and I telling us he really wanted us to learn to play the guitar and that he would teach us as he had always wanted to do. I could hear the sadness in his voice in that his own children didn't share the passion for playing music that he had, and that he would likely never even have the chance to teach us that passion. I remember wondering how hard it must be for parents to have kids who don't connect with them on such a level.

For all of the things I didn't share with my Dad, I can now see how similar we were. My Dad loved people. He was a caretaker at Pleasantview Lodge in Cook's Creek for many years, in part because our family needed the money, but I think in part because my Dad loved talking to people (especially old people). He would go and hang out for hours with some of the tenants and thoroughly enjoyed his time there. I have a similar love of people myself. He had an amazing sense of humour and could always tell a joke at the right time. He told me once the best way to break the ice with someone was to tell a good joke. I think I learned that skill from him. He was a good man who was a great father to me and I don't regret anything that occurred between us over the years. As that teenager I thought "Why can't my Dad like the things I like and be more like my Uncle Phill?" But words of wisdom (I believe from my cousin Stuart) put it into perspective for me. Essentially he told me that had I grown up with Phill as my Dad, I'd have a list of reasons to dislike him, and perhaps even wish I had Uncle Walter as my own Dad. I think that has a lot of truth in it. I was lucky to have Walter as my Dad, and to have Phill as my Uncle, so that I could learn important lessons from my Dad, and have an uncle I could look up to, admire, and model myself after.

My cousins I look up to more than anyone else in the world. I remember in grade 6 we had to fill out a paper where one question asked "Who are your role models?" to which I answered "My cousin Stuart and Mr. Forest" (as I was a suck-up and my teacher's name that year was Mr. Forest... though he was one of the coolest teachers I had over the years - I think Mr. Humphries still comes in #1). Stuart was just such a cool guy. He was the one who taught me how to drive a stick shift while holding a Slurpee and driving with your knees... essential skills for any teenager in Manitoba. I remember going to countless hockey games to see my cousin Stuart play. Those were some of the best times I remember growing up. Sitting in the stands with hot chocolate in a styrofoam cup, a bag of dill pickle chips, and Monchichi there to watch with us. Eventually when Therressa would bring Alex into our family, I think I might have played more with Monchichi (aka: Sekigu-hockey) than I spent watching the games, though both were a good time. My cousin played in the MJHL for the Winnipeg South Blues. I remember having arguments in school with people. I swore my cousin had played in the NHL! He had the St. Louis Blues symbol on his jersey and everything!!! I was wrong, but it didn't make watching him play any less exciting. Stuart was definitely my "cool" role model.

For my "professional" role model I used Stuart's brother Wellington Holbrook. He was the man I wanted to be just like. He seemed to know everything about politics and world events. I remember going into my Grandma's basement in the days of Dowling Ave E., and seeing the entire wall of binders and textbooks (marked 9.111, etc.) and thought it amazing that my cousin Wellington could know so much and have learned all of what I saw before me. I had to do the same so I could be as smart and successful as he was. I also remember one time going downstairs at my Grandma's (where Wellington lived at the time) and going through his room. I flipped through his CD's and other things. I recall Wellington had come home and politely asked my brother, sister and I to please leave his room. I could tell he was ticked off, as I would have been had my little cousins invaded my privacy, but I think I simply wanted to see how he lived so I could be more like him. I watched as he rose through the ranks at the BDC wearing suits and ties and making impressive speeches. He was definitely what I wanted to be. Going back to family gatherings as a child I remember sitting at the table while Wellington and Phill had ongoing political discussions that I only wished I could take part in. I was lucky enough to sit there and take it all in.

So this is why I chose to enter the world of business. That, and I felt little passion towards anything else. Plus business education would lead to a good job right? I didn't even have a strong inner passion for business. I just wanted to be like the people mentioned above. This was a problem. My first real year in business (after University1) things started to go wrong. I didn't have the passion needed to succeed at a university level and I wasn't enjoying myself. My grades suffered and by the second term I started to actually fail courses. My GPA for that year was a solid 2.33. I remember a speech by a prof that made it clear to me what I needed to do. I'll paraphrase slightly, but it was something like this:

"In business there are really two areas, money/numbers and people. We look at financial statements such as balance sheets, income statements, and cash flow statements. We see what the market cap of a firm is. On the other hand we have organizational behaviour and human resources that look more at the people side. This course is all about the money/numbers! You'll find that most of what you'll learn here at Asper is about the money/numbers."

I wanted to leave right then and there. I didn't care about the money or the numbers. I cared about the people! I ended up failing that class (which I believe was management science) as well as corporate finance, statistics II, and pulled off a "D" in financial accounting. It wasn't that I couldn't do the work, I just didn't care enough to do the work. After such a dismal year you'd think I'd have left for another faculty. Unfortunately I still felt compelled to finish my business degree, so I attempted (half-heartedly) one more failed attempt where I failed all but managerial accounting (also with a "D") and walked away with a 1.0 GPA for that year. In some self-defence this was the first year of school after my Dad had passed away and my mind wasn't as focused as it could have been. I considered dropping out of school entirely thinking it just wasn't for me. My Mom said to me it would have been really important to my Dad to have his son finish university, so I decided I had to return. Instead of trying a 3rd failed attempt at business I asked myself what I wanted to do. I loved people, but hated numbers. I chose to move to the faculty of arts to take courses in psychology (with a minor in politics). My grades in this area (just to brag) were: C+, A, A, A+, A, A, A+, A, A+, A, A+. The C+ was my intro to politics course where I slept through the midterm, so I like to think that one isn't representative of what I could have gotten. I had found my passion and thus school no longer seemed like work. I received my Bachelor of Arts, but somehow it didn't seem like I had finished. I still wanted that Bachelor of Commerce. Plus what does a B.A. with a major in psychology get you? To make something like that work out I think I would have been like my good friend Mark and taken it to the next level where scary things like "thesis's" lurk. So back to business I went.

Luckily I was more motivated this time, and the courses I had left were less number focused than some of my previous ones had been. I continued to plough through with the following grades (again because I want to brag): A, A, A, A, A, A, A, B (darn you corporate finance!), A+, A, A+, A+, A+, A+. Then I had this thing where I entered the hospital for a while and they cut my head open. This affected my grades for that term slightly and so I walked away with 3 B+'s and an A. The four courses I just completed are TBA, but I'm proud of the fact that I managed to take my (at one point) 2.68 GPA up to a 3.52 by the end of last term. I see no reason why I won't pass the 4 I just finished and as such am looking forward to receiving my final degree and walking out into the real world for the first time. I could write in detail a blog about "So I finally finished school but have terminal brain cancer... what the hell do I do now?" but I'll save that for another day. Right now I'm just going to enjoy myself.
--
Tom

PS: The whole Bachelor of Arts may not have lead to a job, but it did lead to my lovely fiancé Nicole and a lifelong friend in Mark, so I consider it a glaring success!

PS#2: CHEERS!!!

PS#3: I'm not bothering to look for spelling/grammatical errors. Please feel free to point them out to me. Cheers again.

Not a real post

Ok, so it's been like a month (almost) since I last posted, and even then it wasn't a "real" post. This one will be in between.

SCHOOL: I'm almost done. Survived a term of four courses, and provided I pass them all a Bachelor of Commerce (Honours) is mine! ALL MINE!!!! {insert evil laugh}. I finished my last two assignments today, and have two 'take-home exams' to do by the end of this week. Then freedom is mine*!

*WEDDING: Obviously by "freedom" I mean "freedom to help madly plan a wedding in a few weeks". It's just a different kind of stress. Obviously Nicole (and to a lesser extent I) are stressing over the details. It will be grand and when it is all over we'll both be as pleased as we'll be relieved. Keep you posted on this one. Most importantly Nicole is still on track with marrying me!

MEDICAL: I'm doing ok. Not super super fantastic, but not sucky bad either. I'm doing 28 day rounds of meds, with the first 5 days being Chemo (Temozolomide) + Accutane (Isotretinoin) + Regular Meds**. Day 6 I no longer take the chemo (until the start of my next 28 day cycle). The Accutane I take until day 21. The accutane sucks because it dries my entire head/face out. This includes my nose, ears, eyes, and skin (I shed skin off my face from days 1-21. Pleasant eh? I'm going through a lot of Lubriderm. Oh, and it makes my lips totally dry. I have a lip chap for next to my bed, in the car, and in my pocket at all times. If I don't chap it up often enough and make the mistake of smiling I get to enjoy a cracked and bleeding lip! But it's supposed to help fight the cancer so I'll settle for the lesser of two evils. Days 22-28 I take no pills! By no pills I obviously mean the usual 4 or 5. Another great feature of the meds is that my pharmacy doesn't stock the measurements I need, so they add many smaller mg amounts to get my totals. So instead of one 370 mg pill of the Temo, I get to take 3 x 100 mg, 3 x 20 mg, and 2 x 10 mg! It is so much fun (I'm being mildly sarcastic but it is fun to brag about my hoard of meds).

**Regular meds being: Phenytoin (Dilantin), Dexamethasone (Decadron), Dalteparin (Fragmin), Ranitidine, Ondansetron, and Dapsone.

Last cycle I felt pretty crappy in the early part of the cycle but got better towards the end. This time (I'm on cycle #2) I'm feeling much better, but that may be due in part to the fact I've eliminated some stressors from my life (with the above two of school and wedding not included). Nicole's been amazing (as per usual) at helping me out with this. She now carries all of the heavy things (despite my many protests) herself. She'll have bigger muscles than I will on my steroids pretty soon! I'm also seeing a councillor (sort of a therapist but not quite) for some of my head problems not related to cancer. This process has been amazing for me and I won't discuss the details of my sessions other than to say I'd encourage anyone going through any situation (medical or otherwise) that they find hard DO GET HELP! I'm lucky enough to have the cost of mine covered, however I'd gladly pay for it.

So my lovely fiancé is cutting up some kiwi, plums, pineapple and other exotic fruits for us to enjoy while watching quality TV together. Yes, I'm talking about Judge Judy, South Park, and/or Auction Hunters! Thanks also to Shaw and your lovely PVR. What will I do when your promo credit runs out in July?

THANKS & CHEERS ALL!!!